I've noticed something alarming the past few episodes. And before I get into it, you know this comes from a place of love. You're one of my favorite shows on TV, and every Monday I line up to enjoy your Heroey (not a word) goodness. So you know that whatever happens between us, you'll always have a place in my heart. But back to our problem. What's with the new taglines and the cheesy movie-voice guy who lies to us? You know the guy I'm talking about, Heroes, don't play coy with me. He's the guy usually reserved for summer blockbusters. This guy:
"In a world GONE MAD, ONE MAN must rise AGAINST ALL ODDS. On July 5th prepare to get TIED UP at the stake of justice and AK-47'd in Michael Bay's NEWEST THRILLRIDE!"
That guy. You've hired him to do promos for you, and they are going something like this:
ONE HERO WILL RISE, ONE HERO WILL BE DISCOVERED, AND ONE HERO WILL ATTEMPT FINGER PAINTING IN THE NUDE.
That last part isn't true, but we were promised a new Hero by that guy last week and you didn't deliver. The new hero had three lines of dialogue and was immediately killed. That's not acceptable. You may not have technically lied, Heroes, but our relationship has never before been built upon technicalities. It's always been built on a solid foundation of trusting spirit. So, this week, with your promo saying a hero will die, well, you'd better deliver. It better not be a Greek pita lamb meat pocket (that's pronounced incorrectly) that meets an untimely demise either. You'd better have someone important perish that will pull at our heartstrings. You're on notice, Heroes. Don't pull the crap that so many shows have done to us before. We've been burned, and we won't stand for chicanery. Listen, we want the ride, we want the suspense, but we don't want blatant mistruths and annoying hype voice guys. You've gotten this far on the back of the fans. You were renewed and will be around next year, and we're willing to carry you further, too. But don't you lie again. C'mon, Heroes, you're better than that.Love,