It was a banner year for celeb watching. Nothing was off limits: crazy drunken rants, crazy drunken driving, former teen stars trading awkward humor for deranged porn. We also got a doctor's-eye view of a gal who used to shill for Pepsi. You may have heard of her. Read on and behold, it's the top ten celebrity moments of 2006.
Want more of the best of 2006? See our Year in Review.
10. Ryan and Reese Split, Did Ryan Cheat with an Aussie named Abbie?
The long-standing couple split, although Ryan's parting gift was Australian blonde Abbie Cornish. If I were him I'd blame Jude Law and call it good.
9. Whitney Houston Dumps Bobby.
I saw an interview once where Whit Houston denied she was on crack by saying, "If I'm on crack, show me the receipts." As in, the crack receipts. From her crack dealer. Who keeps careful records. Of his crack dealings.
8. Nicole Richie Goes Both Ways.
Well, on the freeway at least. There can't be anything scarier than a drugged-out Nicole Richie heading towards you going the wrong way on the freeway. The last thing you'd see is the crazy bug eyes protruding from skeletor. Yikes!
7. Screech (from Saved by the Bell) in a Scatological Sex Tape.
There are certain things you want to lock in a vault and never think of again. This would go in that vault. Then the vault would be dumped into the ocean. Then the ocean would be set on fire. Great story, though.
6. Seinfeld’s Michael Richards' Racist Rant.
In his defense, I don't think he's racist. He's most likely just nuts.
5. Lohan Bares All, Seeks Help.
Looking back, when Lohan showed off her lady business it was a more innocent time. Now it's pretty commonplace. I'm naked as I type this, I need the pub.
4. TomKat Has a Kid, Gets Married.
What do you get the couple who has everything? Besides electroshock therapy, I mean.
3. Jolie and Pitt Aren't Mad, They're Just Disappointed.
They had a child, broke Aniston's heart, and did a whole mess of community service (without being ordered to do so). In our defense, we're not sitting on millions of dollars. I'd totally straighten out wars and cure stuff if I were loaded.
2. Mel Gibson Goes Anti-Semitic, Uses "Sugar Tits" as Descriptor.
Tell me you haven't downed a fifth of jack and then started on hating minorities. And you don't even have to be intoxicated to notice the sugary goodness of a female officer's bosom.
1. Britney Spears Has Kid, Divorces, Shows Her Naughty Bits.
And then there was Brit Spears. Quite a year, Doll Face, quite a year. She divorced K to the Fed after birthing his fourth child. Little did we know that was an appetizer. Over the course of a drunken week, she went on what can only be described as a "war on undergarments." This basically shut down the internet for a bit as everyone looked for an up-close and personal introduction to the starlet. We learned a lot about her this year. She loves booze and shaving cream. Hopefully her next beau will bring all that and more to the table.
See you in the '07, my pretties!
If you like this pensive missive, you need to check out The Evil Beet, where Spiteful Lars works daily. The EvilBeet, like a cake made entirely of frosting.