Relieve the Magic: The R. Kelly Trial Begins

Over four years after the accusations surfaced, singer R. Kelly's trial for engaging in sex acts with an underage girl began in Chicago on October 13. In case your understanding of "sex acts" differs from Mr. Kelly's, please recall that he urinated on the fourteen-year-old, and captured it all on video, because -- as the lyrics to "Trapped in the Closet" clearly demonstrate -- he's a genius.

Kelly has been charged on fourteen counts of child pornography. If convicted, he could face up to fifteen years trapped in state prison and a $100,000 fine. He'll also have to register as a sex offender. Kelly has pleaded not guilty to the charges.

The Evil Beet
Celebrity gossip with an evil twist.