Affected Lesbianism, Among Other Things

  • Was Lindsay Lohan and The Case of the Missing Birkin really just a publicity stunt? Because that would not be cool, Linds. We'll never get those sleepless nights back.
  • Jessica Biel is kissing a girl. Why the critically acclaimed actress behind such Oscar contenders as Stealth, Cellular and Ulee's Gold needs to resort to such base publicity tactics baffles me.
  • Christie Brinkley files for divorce from her creepy, philandering husband, Peter Cook.
  • Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder is expecting a baby with his wife, Kirsten. I'm sure there is no shortage of potential one-liners here, but I think it's time I came clean: I've never seen this movie. It just never happened for me. If you feel this makes me a traitor to our generation, you should know I saw Attack of the Clones in the theaters. So I'm trying.
  • I've been dragging my feet on reporting this, mostly because I think it's boring, but the AP finally got around to writing about it today, so I suppose now there's no excuse. Duane "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Chapman and two of his bounty-huntin' costars were arrested on Thursday in Hawaii for bounty huntin' in Mexico, since bounty huntin' is illegal in Mexico. Yes, you heard that right: something is illegal in Mexico. And it's bounty hunting. The three are being held in Honolulu and will await an extradition hearing.

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The Evil Beet A finger on the pulse of your nation's syndicated brand of racism.