It's official: on September 12 of this year, Britney Spears birthed a 72-year-old British man.
Although we have not yet seen photos of the crotchety old wanker, his age and obvious pedigree can be inferred from the name the Federlines are rumored to have selected: Sutton Pierce.
S. Pierce (read: "Spears") will share his initials and future therapy sessions with his brother, Sean Preston, born September 14 of last year. Britney gave birth to little Sutty via Cesarian section at Cedars-Sinai in L.A. on Tuesday.
The Evil Beet
If you were as sexy as David Hasselhoff, you'd have something better to do.