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Dear Missouri Republicans: Congrats And Go To Hell

The 39-hour filibuster of your not-at-all homophobic "religious freedom bill" failed.

Dear Missouri Democrats,

Thank you for filibustering a so-called religious freedom bill aimed at same-sex couples for 39 hours. That's more than a full day of talking in order to stop an unnecessary and widely disliked bill. You failed, but you tried, and that matters. Take a seat.

Dear Missouri Republicans,

Congrats! And go fuck yourselves.

How interesting that you support this very, very specific piece of legislation. It's just fascinating to me, a mild-mannered married lesbian, that your objection to same-sex marriage was so very important that it required its own "religious freedom" bill. That's all SJR 39 is, by the way — an objection to same-sex marriage. You can't stop, say, an interracial couple from using a facility because you believe that mixed-race marriages are immoral (these people do still exist!). If a Jew and a Muslim want to hold a wedding reception and need a cake from you, SJR 39 will not permit you to deny them their baked goods, though your deeply held religious beliefs might be crying out for justice. Same with a twice-divorced man with tiny hands — can't deny him either based on your religious beliefs.

But a gay couple needs a cake, and you don’t want to give it to them, so you need Big Government to come barreling through the door and rescue you. This, in a state without statewide LGBT protections (so you wouldn't have gotten sued by that one cake-seeking couple in the first place. But I digress). No, you’re not a church or a mosque — you’re just a person with a deeply held and very specific religious belief that my marriage is very, very bad.

You cry, "But they could just find another butcher/baker/candlestick maker! I'm sure that’s available!" Oh, honey. Have you been to rural Missouri? I have lived there! Missouri is not Manhattan. There are not multiple LGBT-inclusive businesses in small towns. They are not like Starbucks. For same-sex couples in many parts of America, it is either your place of business, or nothing. But who cares, right?

So go ahead, hold up SJR 39 as your shield against two people who love each other so much that they are going to link themselves together forever, for always, in sickness and in health and in mild annoyance and in dinner parties and children and hospital visits and holding hands on the bus. Sure, it seems a smidgen hypocritical, because your religious beliefs seem to be really, really specific, and more based on “I don’t like these people” than anything else. But I'm sure it’s just you standing up against the mighty Gay Agenda of "meeting a great person and spending your life with them."

Assholes.