Whether the man in your life is your boyfriend, your brother, your dad, your uncle, your pushy boss, or your pervy Uber driver, celebrate this International Women’s Day by freaking them the fuck out with a reminder of your primordial womanly power.
(And if you have no man in your life, bless you. You’re doing something right. Find me on Twitter and invite me into your sacred coven. I’ll bring my knitting needles.)
1. Carol (2015)
A handy memo for when you need to remind a man that his existence is irrelevant.
2. Coffy (1973)
Play the game like Coffy, and lure in any ain’t-shit men in your life with the timeless hotness of ‘70s Pam Grier… and then take them out with the wire you had hidden in your perfectly coifed ‘fro.
3. Fatal Attraction (1987)
Praise be to Glenn, patron saint of Freaking Men Out since 1987.
4. Heathers (1988)
No man will ever be as tough or as mean as the average high school girl.
5. The Exorcist (1973)
That’s right, dad. Puberty’s going to be ROUGH.
6. Diary of a Teenage Girl (2015)
While I’m here, papa: Yes, I am having an affair with a sexy older man, and no, it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
7. Gone Girl (2014)
Marriage is boring. Orchestrating a nationwide witch hunt targeting your mediocre husband is fun.
8. The Night Porter (1974)
Just one very relatable woman’s sadomasochistic love affair with her once-Nazi concentration camp tormenter.
9. Persona (1966)
Inform a man that you see through the mind games of the patriarchy. Identity is an illusion, reality is specious. Yes, everything checks out here.
10. Serial Mom (1994)
Gift wrap this and send it to your kid’s most condescending teacher. You might be a dutiful wife and mother, but that doesn’t mean you can’t also be a rabid and unrepentant serial killer.
11. Fat Girl (2001)
For every boy who loudly proclaims he knew The Sixth Sense had a twist, for every grown man who boasts about loving The Shining’s sadism, please introduce him to this gem by Catherine Breillat.
12. Stella Dallas (1937)
So you’ve encountered a faux-woke, faux-Marxist bro who wants credit for his class politics but sees feminism as a political distraction? Destroy his hypocrisy with FEELINGS and this mother-daughter melodrama/brutal class critique.
13. Under the Skin (2013)
I’m Scarlett Johansson, and you’re wading into a gelatinous pool of dark matter for the chance to fuck me, but, in fact, you are about to be turned into a skin bag and harvested as a person suit for my alien brethren. Tough luck.
14. Perfect Blue (1997)
Channel your inner actress with this late-'90s anime and let a man know that constant media-driven focus on appearance is dangerously eroding the line between your conscious mind and your self-image.
15. Possession (1981)
Yes, I will leave you. And when I do, it will either be for a better, more spiritually free man, or it will be to satisfy my dark impulse to procreate with the octopus monster that I'm harvesting in West Berlin. It might be the devil. I might be the devil? You will never understand me.