The 88th Academy Awards should really've been called "The Leo Show," and rightfully so. Leonardo DiCaprio won his first Oscar for Best Actor for his work in The Revenant. FYI, this now means the "Leo's never won an Oscar" memes are now dead.
But unlike at the Golden Globes, Leo didn't use his trusty vape pen during the awards ceremony. Of course, he promptly lit up after the show — he's now an Oscar-winning actor, so he can do whatever TF he wants.
And while the Oscars made for a fun night, there were plenty of moments he
probably definitely wanted to be vaping.
When Stacey Dash spoke.ABC
Brought out as the spokesperson for the "minority outreach program," she cleverly — or so she thought — joked about it being Black History Month. Too bad the joke fell flatter than 14th century people thought the Earth was. If you still don't get her "joke," Dash had recently demanded the end to a Black History Month. Ha ha, right... right?
When the show just would. not. end.ABC
But he had to keep smiling and clapping, even though he was slowly dying inside from stress and fatigue. Plus, his category was the second to last one, meaning he had to endure all 755 hours of the Oscars.
When Christian Bale took the last box of Thin Mints.ABC
Chris Rock brought his daughters's Girl Scouts troop to the Oscars, and hilariously pressured the audience to buy cookies from them. It was a success, with the girls earning over $65k.
When he realized he and Jacob Tremblay (and literally every other guy there) wore the exact same outfit.Karwai Tang/WireImage / Jeffrey Mayer/WireImage
Ugh, how embarrassing.
When the Minions came onscreen and did minion things.ABC / Universal Pictures
When he had to endure yet another bear joke.
We get it, awards shows. Leo was brutally attacked by a bear in The Revenant, thus the bear was an actor and should be at ceremonies. That was made painfully clear when Jonah Hill dressed up as the bear at the Golden Globes.
When frontrunner Lady Gaga didn't win for Best Original Song.Christopher Polk / Getty Images
If one person expected to win the Oscar didn't win, then Leo was probably sweating bullets about his chances.
And when he saw Lady Gaga at all.Valerie Macon / AFP / Getty Images
Remember that little, uh, moment the two had at the Golden Globes? The Internet always will, Leo.
When Sam Smith wrongfully thought he was the first openly gay Oscar winner.Kevin Winter / Getty Images
Yeahhh, not quite, Sam. This was a cringe-worthy moment for everyone.
When that split second before the Best Leading Actor was announced.
"If I lose this a fifth time, I swear to God..." —Leo, probably.
When he thought Rock might make a joke about his unofficial "25 and under" girlfriend rule.Kevin Mazur / VF16 / WireImage
He didn't, FYI.
When he had to be separated from his BFF Kate Winslet during the show.Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic
The two slayed on the red carpet, though. Our hearts will always go on.
And when he effing won Best Actor.Mark Ralston / AFP / Getty Images
His speech was lengthy because he knew it was long overdue and well deserved. So, he milked it for all it was worth — as he should. All that was missing was him pulling out his vape pen and lighting up during the middle of his speech like the king of the world that he is.