FX

The People v. O.J. Simpson Morally Corrupt Rankings, Week 4: '100 Percent Not Guilty'

It's a huge week for Faye Resnick, the inspiration for these rankings.

The 10-part FX series The People v. O.J. Simpson: American Crime Story tells the fascinating tale of Nicole Brown Simpson’s real-life killing and the ensuing media frenzy around the murder trial of her famous ex-husband, O.J. Simpson. Once again, in honor of "the morally corrupt" Faye Resnick, let’s see what these hellions are up to -- this time for Episode 4, "100% Not Guilty" -- and determine who’s the most morally bankrupt of them all.

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1. FAYE RESNICK

AT LAST, THE MORALLY CORRUPT FAYE RESNICK IS HERE! The events in this episode are exactly what lead to Camille Grammer referring to Faye as "morally corrupt" on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Suspect Behavior:

* Faye completes her transformation into a full-fledged Ryan Murphy Antiheroine: She dons a white dress, swills champagne, smokes a cigarette, and narrates a tell-all book about her "best friend" Nicole Simpson's life, which includes lurid tales of cocaine snorting, six abortions, and a lesbian tryst.

* Faye claims that her psychic told her that Nicole would want her to write this book.

* An authorized tell-all is not enough for Faye; this week’s morally corrupt chart-topper goes on Larry King Live and dishes all -- apparently Nicole was a fan of the "Brentwood Hello," which involves going down on a man while he's sleeping -- like the future reality TV star and "friend of the housewives" (her official title) she is destined to become.

Last Week: 11

2. JOHNNIE COCHRAN

The race card doesn't actually exist, but Johnnie sure did put his African-American Express to work this week.

Good Deeds:

* The good lawyer and patron saint of jewel-toned suits puts a stop to the white-guilt parade Robert Shapiro’s been trucking through the streets of Los Angeles.

Suspect Behavior:

* Cochran maneuvers his way into a spot on Shapiro's Dream Team like he's Dominique Deveraux telling Alexis Carrington her champagne is burned.

Last Week: 4

3. ROBERT SHAPIRO

Primary meanings of morally corrupt: (1) Performing immoral or illegal acts for personal gain, without apology; (2) John Travolta in a Tommy Bahamas Hawaiian shirt.

Suspect Behavior:

* Shapiro tells Cochran he understands "these people." Slow your roll, my white friend.

* In the midst of the biggest case of his career, this motherfucker takes a vacation to Hawaii. Aloha, Shapiro, your colleague has just permanently usurped your authority.

Last Week: 3

4. F. LEE BAILEY

The shady queen within comes out.

Suspect Behavior:

* Bailey drags the ever-living hell out of Shapiro on national television, but he does so with just the right amount of shade to play the perfect devil’s advocate. Keep an eye on this one: Bailey might be as morally corrupt as Faye Resnick before this is all over.

Last Week: 5

5. MARCIA CLARK

The Sister Soulja with a perm comin’ at you from the district attorney's office.

Good Deeds:

* Clark gives Chris Darden a chance on the case, even if it is some "I have a black friend" shit. The brother still got a high-profile job as third chair for the prosecution!

* Marcia is the G.O.A.T. with that fully stocked liquor cabinet in her desk drawer.

* You actually start to feel bad for Clark when the trash, sexist focus group calls her a bitch who can't find a man. When someone in the focus group suggests Marcia smile more and wear a dress, she considers the remark and then never does either.

Suspect Behavior:

* Another suggestion from the group that Marcia ignores: Fix. That. Hair. Sis, find a salon.

* My sympathies vanished when she started acting like she was Alicia Silverstone starring in Beauty Shop:"I have a rapport with black women! Some of those black women still write me letters!"

Last Week: 9

6. THE MEDIA

The Media just can't get enough with all this talk about race and cocaine.

Suspect Behavior:

* Johnnie Cochran having a press conference during a shoeshine? Is this His Girl Friday? Everyone covering the race beat in the media this week was doing the absolute most.

Last Week: 1

7. AMERICA

The potential jurors are the worst people in America.

Good Deeds:

* That one juror who dragged the LAPD.

Suspect Behavior:

* All of the people in the juror focus group were all basic caricatures of human beings and also horrendously sexist.

Last Week: 2

8. O.J. SIMPSON

Cocaine and C+C Music Factory O.J. is the best O.J.

Good Deeds:

* The Juice could really get down in the club to C+C Music Factory while snorting cocaine off women's breasts!

Suspect Behavior:

* Taking part in Robert's ouster but being a whiny bitch about it is really making me wonder how he had a football career.

Last Week: 3

9. ROBERT KARDASHIAN

Amazing how much more tolerable he becomes when he doesn't interact with his family.

Good Deeds:

* Keeps those damn K-A-R-D-A-S-H-I-A-N children off the TV screen for a week.

Suspect Behavior:

* Coming to Nicole's defense while reading Faye's book like he's not trying to get O.J. off on murder charges.

Last Week: 7

10. GIL GARCETTI

He's becoming increasingly better at his job, I guess?

Good Deeds:

* Realizes Marcia is out of her depth with her whole "black people love me" shtick.

Last Week: 13

11. CHRIS DARDEN

He's officially on Team Marcia now.

Suspect Behavior:

* Only drinks tequila. I don't know, it seems suspicious to me. He too good for Hennessy?

Last Week: 10

12. ALAN DERSHOWITZ

I don't think he says anything at all this week, to be honest. Better seen than heard.

Last Week: 6

13. JUDGE LANCE ITO

The man behind the bench.

Suspect Behavior:

* Ito goes on and on about how he was selected for the case when the subtext seems to be, "You're not black or white, so people can't get pissed off by your decisions."

* That wife of his, who clearly lied when signing that conflict-of-interest document, is gonna be a liability. Trust no one, Ito!

Last Week: N/A