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Delete Your Account: This Week's Advice To Celebrity Twitter Abusers

In danger of losing their tweeting privileges: Trevor Noah, Jeb Bush, J.K. Rowling, and more.

Even without Kanye as a major perpetrator of crimes against the Twitterverse this week, he's still the No. 1 topic on everyone's minds. Well, Kanye and politics. And, oddly enough, Chamillionaire, for the first time since 2007.

TREVOR NOAH

"A woman will always be responsible for my favorite artist's failings." —Ancient Male Music Fan Proverb. Since Yoko Ono and the Beatles, dudes have always sought to blame women whenever something bad happens to their beloved musicians. Yoko broke up the Beatles. Courtney Love is why Kurt Cobain killed himself. Kim Kardashian is why Kanye won't reach My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy heights again. First of all, Kanye is a grown man. The idea that Kim has corrupted him is beyond idiotic, and misogynistic to boot.

But there's even more to unpack in this asinine tweet. "Kendrick is what Kanye would have been — " Um, lemme stop you right there. Kendrick had a perfectly fine Grammy performance. But let's not pretend Kanye hasn't reached that level of spectacle multiple times (or even two days before the Grammys). Let's also not pretend he hasn't made similar assaults on systemic racism in America with songs like "Black Skinhead," "New Slaves," and "Chain Heavy." Let's also not pretend that Kanye even wants to be Kendrick. Maybe it's because Trevor Noah is from South Africa that he seems to see things this way, but all American black people are not the same. Kendrick's subject matter is completely different from Kanye's, and the equating of the two as if they're the exact same kind of artist is what racist people do. Trevor should know better.

Should Trevor Delete His Account? He probably should've done so before he started on The Daily Show, but at this point he should quit before things get worse.

ELAN GALE

Speaking of takes on Kanye, the producer of The Bachelor who once made up a story about a woman on a plane to get attention, has some incredibly nuanced thoughts about mental health, if by "nuanced" you mean offensive and idiotic. Amanda Bynes, who sought psychiatric treatment, is relegated to a punch line in Elan Gale's Kanye joke. Because hey, wouldn't it be funny if Kanye also had a mental break? While we can only speculate on Kanye's mental health at this point, to take glee in the fact that he might be struggling with it for a lame Twitter punch line is morbid and ghoulish.

Should Elan Delete His Account? Hell yeah. And given that a Bachelor contestant has so recently had struggles with mental illness end tragically, tweeting about someone's mental health in a joking matter is not a good look.

MICHELE BACHMANN

Sis ... you'd think if you really believed that Antonin Scalia was the finest "Sup Ct Justice" in all of Oz, you'd spell his damn name right. Who is Anthony Scalia? His evil twin? His wacky identical cousin from Scotland? Of course, Michele wasn't done — she had to continue about how moving she found Scalia's words that often sought to strip rights from women, black voters, and gay people:

Oh. A Shakespearean sonnet? Name one. I'll wait.

Should Michele Delete Her Account? I mean, probably not. How else would she find out who's sliding into her husband's DMs?

J.K. ROWLING

I've gone on record saying J.K. panders a bit too much to her fans on Twitter, given her tendency to announce things as canon that weren't in the book (I need some receipts on Dumbledore being gay; it'd better be in The Cursed Child), but this is actually the funniest thing she's ever tweeted. Just the fact that J.K. even knows who the fuck Chamillionaire is may actually be funnier than the actual pun, but this is some quality tweeting here.

Should J.K. Delete Her Account? Keep going, girl.

JEB! BUSH

GIVE UP THE CHARADE. You do not want to be president. Your mother would like you to stop trying to be president. We need another Bush in the Oval Office like we need a new David O. Russell movie starring Jennifer Lawrence. Kidnapping black children isn't enough; you have to tweet out a picture of a personalized gun? Unless Jeb is going to shoot his campaign and put it out of its misery, I can't for the life of me figure out why Jeb would ever need a gun. Is he a vigilante that goes by the name of Foxy White? Does he live in a studio apartment in a dangerous area, afraid he might be robbed or assaulted? Is he Quick Draw McGraw?!

Should Jeb! Delete His Account? Make good use of your gun and shoot your Dell computer to pieces so you can never tweet again.