Does Marco Rubio Even Lift?

I bet Marco doesn’t even have Olympic lifting shoes.

Campaign event at a CrossFit gym, eh, Marco? Interesting.

So, do you CrossFit, Marco?

"Not during class times," Marco?

You done all the Girls workouts, Marco?

You got some Oly shoes, Marco? What’s your Fran time, Marco?

What's your max snatch, Marco? You like it from the high hang? From the low hang? From the ground, like a MANIAC? Do you squat below parallel, Marco?

You tell all of your friends and family and neighbors and your neighbors' dogs about how CrossFit has really changed your life for the better, Marco? You try to get them into it, Marco? Did they ignore you, Marco? I bet they ignored you, Marco. Oh, they ignored you.

What’s your meal plan? You Zone-ing? What are your blocks looking like, Marco? You Paleo? You strict Paleo? You flex Paleo? You eating peanut butter like a REBEL, Marco? You Bulletproof, Marco? You carb cycling, Marco?

Must have been a HIGH-CARB DAY THAT DAY, EH, MARCO? Or do you NOT EVEN CARE? I bet you eat RICE, Marco. RICE.

You doing the Open, Marco? You watching the Games this year? What do you think 16.1 is going to be, Marco? You think thrusters? You ready for thrusters? You ever get Fran lung?

YOU DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW, DO YOU, MARCO? YOU'RE JUST GOING TO WALK INTO A CROSSFIT GYM AND YOU’RE NOT EVEN GOING TO BRING ANYONE ANY WHEY PROTEIN OR CHOCOLATE-COVERED DATES THAT ARE TECHNICALLY PALEO OR A COPY OF THE PALEO DIET THAT YOU TAKE TO RESTAURANTS TO EXPLAIN WHY NO, YOU’RE NOT ALLERGIC TO GLUTEN, BUT ACTUALLY, EVERYONE'S KIND OF ALLERGIC TO GLUTEN AND BY THE WAY HAVE YOU READ WHEAT BELLY BECAUSE IT'S LIFE-CHANGING, MAN. LIFE-CHANGING.

YOU PROBABLY THINK FAT IS BAD FOR YOU WHEN, WELL, ACTUALLY, FAT IS GOOD FOR YOU, BUT SUGAR IS BAD FOR YOU, UNLESS IT'S NOT BAD FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE USING AGAVE NECTAR, WHICH IS GOOD FOR YOU, UNLESS IT’S BAD FOR YOU AND YOU SHOULD BE USING COCONUT SUGAR, WHICH IS GOOD FOR YOU BUT KIND OF BAD FOR YOU AND ACTUALLY YOU SHOULD JUST BE REALLY CONCENTRATING ON PROTEIN, BUT MAYBE YOU’RE GETTING TOO MUCH PROTEIN, BUT :: looks at you :: PROBABLY NOT, MARCO, PROBABLY NOT.

Maybe you should hold this thing at a Planet Fitness or something.