EXCLUSIVE: Hillary Clinton's Post-Debate Inbox

An imagined romp through Hillz's inbox today, post-debate and pre–South Carolina primary.

One of the things about being a Washington insider running for president is the number of consultants you run across. Not just official campaign consultants, either: the untold number of friends and hangers-on who feel that their tangential knowledge of the political scene gives them license to freelance advise. Bernie Sanders does not have to deal with this. Hillary Clinton, on the other hand, well …

To: Hillary

From: Katy Perry

Subject: Me-ow!

Great job! I can totally hear you roar — like, just enough. Not too loud.


To: Hillary

From: Madeleine Albright

Subject: Women who don’t support you

?


To: Hillary

From: OFFICE OF BILL CLINTON

Subject: cookies

He’s down for a nap, is asking about gluten-free cookies?

On debate: "Probably should pivot off of Kissinger. Otherwise, good."


To: Hillary

From: Henry Kissinger

Subject: FYI

You probably should stop talking about me. I am a war criminal.

Btw, saw Vlad P the other day. He says hi.

xo,

Hank


To: Hillary

From: GMAIL CUSTOMER SERVICE

Subject: You have exceeded your storage quota on account SECRET GOVERNMENT BUSINESS

Please log in to your account to pay for further storage or delete data.


To: Hillary

From: Donald J. Trump

Subject: FWD: re: re: re: re: re: RE: re: re: re: RE: fwd: Benghazi

{this message cannot be displayed}


To: Hillary

From: Sid Blumenthal

Subject: Secret message

The eagle has landed. When the German meets the Swede, only the French know what time it is. ARGL-TYBLH.

- Leo (I’m really Sid)

-- Sent from my Palm Pre


To: HILLARY

From: SANDERS BERNIE

Subject: YOU MEAN TO TELL ME I CAN TYPE ANYTHING IN THIS LINE AND SHE’LL SEE IT ON HER PHONE

WALL STREET I KNOW WHAT YOU DID WALL STREET WHERE ARE MY SHOES WALL STREET


To: Hillary

From: Clinton, Chelsea

Subject: Donut cushion

Where did you put it? Second trimester taking a toll …


To: Hillary

From: Philippe Reines

Subject: YOU ROCKED IT

Muscular! Commanding! I even loved the shirt. How do you want this covered?

I’m in Bali, on the beach rn but can pull some strings.


To: Hillary

From: Lloyd Blankfein

Subject: re: Payment

I’m sorry, but “untraceable Krugerrands” are not an option. I checked.

Speaking of, have you thought about pivoting away from Kissinger?


To: Hillary

From: Lena Dunham

Subject: WTF Wall Street all the time I mean really

Can I borrow that top?????

Also Anna Wintour wants to bedazzle my cervix for Milan idk, what do you think?


To: Hillary

From: Martin O’Malley

Subject: Just checking

Just … checking. I mean, I’m around, if you want to talk. I’m here.


To: Hillary

From: John Lewis

Subject: 22 Things Only Cat Lovers Will Understand About Cats

Thought you could use this. http://www.buzzfeed.com/floperry/things-only-cat-owners-understand-about-cats

That fucking guy, you know?

Btw, not sure about the Kissinger stuff.