31 Really, Really, Ridiculously Good Questions I Had Watching Zoolander For The First Time

I demand answers.

I’ve never seen Zoolander. Nope, I’m not talking about Zoolander 2, the sequel that dropped today. I mean the original movie from 2001. Go ahead, get your laughs and gasps of astonishment over with now. I’ll wait.

To be completely honest with you, one of my high school teachers showed Zoolander on movie day once, probably because he didn’t want his students to grow up never having seen it. Despite this kind gesture, I slept through the whole damn thing, because if the lights are out, then so am I.

Now I’m making up for lost time. I watched Zoolander last night for the first time ever, and it left me with more questions than answers. Someone please help.

  1. Did Derek Zoolander invent the duckface?

    Paramount

    Blue Steel Face = Ferrari Face = Le Tigre Face = Duckface. Just sayin’.

  2. What is with Mugatu’s hair?

    Paramount
  3. Why is Donald Trump in this?!

    Paramount

    This must be the movie for bad hair.

  4. And Natalie Portman?!

  5. And Lenny Kravitz?!

    Paramount

    I’m quickly catching on that this is one of those movies where there’s a celebrity cameo every few seconds, so I’m gonna stop mentioning them from here on out.

  6. Can you still buy Razor Scooters?

    Paramount

    I Googled it. Yes, you can. Now Razor makes hoverboards, too.

  7. Which came first, Derek’s Magnum face or Magnum condoms?

    Paramount

    I’m not gonna Google this one, because I don’t want to search “Magnum condoms” on my work computer.

  8. “When will my reflection show who I am inside?”

    Paramount

    The whole time Derek was staring at his face in that puddle next to the curb, I was playing Mulan lyrics in my head. Oops.

  9. Why does Derek have bunk beds?

    Paramount

    You are a grown-ass man, Derek.

  10. And roommates?

    Paramount

    If he’s a three-time Male Model of the Year, he’s gotta be rich enough to have his own place.

  11. WTF does an orange mocha frappucino taste like?

    Paramount

    I’m very OK with never knowing the answer to this.

  12. Where can I get a penguin-patterned onesie?

    Paramount

    This is probably the best outfit in the entire movie, to be honest.

  13. Are they actually washing that car with gasoline?

    Paramount

    Talk about a fire hazard. Oh, now they’re getting blown up? I see they learned their lesson.

  14. Did Mugatu style his hair to match his dog’s or the other way around?

    Paramount

    Turns out ramen noodles look good on dogs, too.

  15. Is Mugatu lactose intolerant?

    Paramount

    If lattes are a no-go, I’m guessing this means he can’t have orange mocha frappucinos, either.

  16. Is this where the “center for ants” meme originated?

    Paramount

    Yep, it is. I feel more knowledgeable about the Internet now.

  17. Who is Matilda’s mystery source?

    Paramount

    As a writer, my fact-checking instincts are screaming “STOP NO WHO IS THAT HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT’S A REAL TIP” every time he calls her.

  18. Are the brooms really necessary here?

    Paramount

    I have no words.

  19. Is Derek on drugs or hypnotized or both?

    Paramount

    Let’s be real, it’s probably both.

  20. How did Derek transform Matilda’s hair so quickly?

    Paramount

    There’s not even a crease from the hair tie. C’mon now.

  21. Also, when did Matilda’s glasses randomly disappear?

    Paramount

    I guess she put in contacts while she was off screen.

  22. How did Hansel remove his underwear during the walk-off?

    Paramount

    What is this sorcery?!

  23. How did J.P. Prewitt know all this dirt about the fashion industry?

    Paramount

    I mean, he could’ve just made it all up. Why trust him?

  24. Did Prewitt insure his hands like Taylor Swift insured her legs?

    Paramount

    This would’ve been a wise investment if he hadn’t been killed by Katinka and her squad.

  25. Surely there had to be a better place to hide than Hansel’s home?

    Paramount

    Might I suggest the Witness Protection Program or at least, like, leaving the city?

  26. WTF is in that tea?

    Paramount

    Something tells me an aphrodisiac must be involved.

  27. Why is Derek’s phone so tiny?

    Paramount

    He must lose it a lot.

  28. When did Derek suddenly develop telekinesis?

    Paramount

    I get that this is supposed to be a wildly unrealistic movie. But Derek stopping that shuriken with the Magnum look alone is straight-up magic, not the result of some trippy tea or hypnosis.

  29. Why did the Malaysian prime minister stick around the Derelict show for so long?

    Paramount

    If I were him, I would’ve noped out of there as soon as someone tried to assassinate me.

  30. Is that a statue of Derek’s old roommates outside The Derek Zoolander Center For Kids Who Can’t Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too?

    Paramount

    I’m gonna go ahead and hope this fountain is spurting water, not gasoline, but I know I’m wrong even as I type this right now.

  31. Whatever happened to Mugatu?

    Paramount

Your daily dose
of the latest news

Get the MTV News app today.
Swear to shake it up.
@deepa