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Deadpool Wants You To ‘Touch Yourself’ Tonight -- To Check For Testicular Cancer

'That bag of beans in your hand could be trying to kill you.'

As Marvel Universe’s latest big-screen star, Ryan ReynoldsDeadpool is quickly becoming the loony antihero we all need in our lives. Sure, the crimson-suited jokester is shockingly foul-mouthed and intimidatingly violent, but guess what? He also wants to save some lives by getting dudes to, uh, touch themselves.

Reynolds-as-Deadpool stars in a new PSA for testicular cancer, where he manages to explain a potentially deadly disease in a clear and entirely entertaining way. Sitting atop a pool table, he oh-so-gently fondles billiard balls while warning, “That bag of beans bouncing around in your hand could be trying to kill you.” The spot is packed with a hefty load of double entendres: “happy sack,” “man berries,” “smooth criminals,” “bad boys” and “tomatoes” are just some choice puns Deadpool spews out as he teaches men how to properly screen themselves. The main takeaway? “Don’t ignore it like a pu---. Man up and talk to your doctor.”

If this seems like one of the more bizarre movie marketing stunts of late, just remember Deadpool’s actually the perfect spokesman, considering he’s a cancer survivor himself. In the comic books and the movie, Wade Wilson is a former special ops soldier who undergoes an experimental treatment for cancer that turns him into the titular character. Of course, that’s not without its consequences — the treatment leaves him with accelerated healing abilities but significant mental instability, which makes him… well… you’ll see when the movie opens Feb. 12. Until then, don’t forget to “tweak your tomatoes,” dudes.