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I Watched Season One Of 'Game Of Thrones' For The First Time And Have A Lot Of Questions

So, basically everyone is awful?

After hearing from practically every single person I know about how wonderful and amazing "Game of Thrones" was, I finally caved in and binged the first season of the HBO drama. And wow, it was definitely something.

Going into the show, I wasn't completely clueless. Thanks to the internet, I knew that "Winter is coming," most people die horrible deaths, there are a TON of sex scenes and Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is dead-but-not-really-dead.

However, I haven't read the books, and the only "spoilers" I'm aware of in later seasons are the Jon Snow death and something about a Red Wedding that caused all of Twitter to lose its sh-t. After watching the first season, I have a few many questions about the series, characters, plot, etc. Since I'm a total "GOT" noob, I'm sure these questions will drive you crazy. Sorry (not sorry) in advance.

  1. Why are the opening credits like 7 years long?
    HBO

    Seriously, I was able to pour cereal, cut a banana into the cereal, toast some bread and put jelly on my toast in the time it took for the opening credits to run its course. True, I could've just fast-forwarded through them, but that still doesn't answer my question as to why they last so long.

  2. How in the world am I supposed to remember all of these characters?
    HBO

    There are so many important primary, secondary and tertiary characters to keep track of, do I need to make a chart or somethi--Oh my God, there's actually a chart. But still, I came here to watch a TV show my friends wouldn't shut up about it, not to pour over charts of fancy-schmancy families who refuse to use their words to solve problems.

  3. Do more dire wolves die?
    HBO

    I will lose my sh-t if more of these beautiful creatures are murdered by assholes *cough* Joffrey *cough* with an agenda. RIP Lady. Nymeria, I hope you're safe, wherever you ran off to after Arya Stark (Maisie Williams) had to pull an "Air Bud" and force you to leave to keep you safe. ?

  4. When does "King" Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) bite the dust already?
    HBO

    I know it happens, but can it happen, like, now? Homeboy's a sadist, not to mention a twerp. I'm still not over Lady's murder, nor the fact he forced his woman Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner) to witness her father Ned's (Sean Bean) decapitation and then stare at her father's severed head just chillin' on a spike. Not cool.

  5. Was this done on purpose?
    HBO / DreamWorks Pictures

    Around Episode 8, I realized who Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) reminded me of: Prince Charming from "Shrek 2." Judging by a quick Google search, I'm not the only one to have noticed this. So, what gives HBO? Where are we going with this? What's the plan?

  6. Does Bran Stark (Isaac Hempstead Wright) really not remember he saw Cersei (Lena Headey) screwing her brother and then Jaime shoved him out the window, or is he just keeping quiet because he knows he's seen too much?
    HBO

    The Lannisters already made several attempts on Bran's life, even though he didn't tell anyone about the incest, so I wouldn't blame him for just keeping his mouth shut. Do the Starks ever get that rotten Lannister family back for crippling Bran? Please say yes.

  7. Are we ever going to meet Jon Snow's mother Wylla?
    HBO

    She's briefly spoken about by Jon and Ned, but that's it. Ned was supposed to tell his bastard son about his mother, but then Ned was beheaded, so there went that. Also, is Wylla even still alive? Ned took a bunch of secrets to his (early) grave.

  8. What kind of name is "Daenerys"?
    HBO

    Don't get me wrong — it's a kick-ass name, it's just super different. (I actually wasn't sure how to pronounce it until I started watching the show.) Emilia Clarke is a total boss, and it's been awesome to see her go from a shy, quiet girl to a Khaleesi. Apparently, people dug the name, since it was one of the most popular baby names of 2014.

  9. What horror is coming with these white walkers or whatever the hell they're called?
    HBO

    They're kind of like the Dark Ages version of walkers on "The Walking Dead." What's their end game? For whom do they work? Can they actually climb that super tall wall of ice?

  10. Who is watching and taking care of Rickon Stark (Art Parkinson)?
    HBO

    He's six, right? Both of his parents left their home in Winterfell as did Robb (Richard Madden), Sansa and Ayra. Bran is still there, but he can't even walk (and wheelchairs don't look too common in Winterfell), so he can't be in charge. Is that creepy old lady who told Bran stories about the white walkers in charge of Rickon? I seriously hope not.

  11. Was the running gag (if those even exist on this show) of everyone mistaking Ayra for a boy, to which she adamantly replied, "I'm a girl!," supposed to be a nod to Max (Alyson Stoner) on "The Suite Life of Zack and Cody"?
    HBO / Disney

    Gonna go out on a limb here and assume the answer is a big, fat no. Every time Ayra yelled at people for calling her a boy, it instantly reminded me of Max doing the exact same thing on "Suite Life." I'm not crazy here. Watch reruns; you'll see what I'm talking about.

  12. Does something awful happen to Samwell Tarly (John Bradley)?
    HBO

    I know George R.R. Martin kills off most of his characters, so I'm just preparing myself for Sam's possible demise. He's one of my favorite characters, so that probably means he's gonna die, doesn't it? Don't lie to me.

  13. Can Tyrion Lannister (Peter Dinklage) please slap Joffrey again?
    HBO

    He probably can't anymore, since Joffrey is now the illegitimate king, but come on! That was arguably one of the most iconic moments in the whole season. At least tell me that Tyrion gets even sassier in the next season (if that's even possible)?

  14. WTF was up with that breastfeeding 10-year-old punk?
    HBO

    I knew some seriously twisted, effed up stuff happens on this show, but that completely took me by surprise. Robin Arryn (Lino Facioli) is definitely one of my least favorite characters, but mostly because he's always screaming about making people "fly," aka fall through a pit in the floor and die. Ugh, go away, annoying child.

  15. Wait a sec, Argus Filch from "Harry Potter" is in this show?
    HBO

    Walder Frey (David Bradley) is one of the perviest dudes I've seen so far on "GOT" — and that's saying something. He was only in one episode of Season 1, so will I get to see him in later seasons? Also, please, PLEASE tell me there isn't some graphic sex scene with him and his young bride. I don't need that image in my head, thanks.

  16. And, can we talk about the fact DRAGONS ARE ALIVE AND REAL?!
    HBO

    Talk about a killer season finale. It was (literally) on ???, and then dragons hatched from their petrified eggs and now they're a thing again. Are we going to get to see them grow up? Will Daenerys have a "How to Train Your Dragon" moment? I must know!