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15 Times David Bowie In 'Labyrinth' Awakened Your Burgeoning Sexuality

The hair. The moves. The bulge.

With so many remembrances of David Bowie currently flooding the internet, it's vitally important that we not forget about this one: His eternal legacy as the swoon-worthy Goblin King of "Labyrinth."

For those of us who were kids in the 1980s, Bowie was terrifying and intriguing as the antagonist of this fantasy flick... that is, until we weren't kids anymore, at which point we realized that Jareth the Goblin King was basically sex on a stick.

Below, we're remembering all the times that David Bowie had the power of voodoo in his magnificently tight goblin trousers.

  1. When his glam rock mullet blew so gently in the wind.
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  2. When he turned out to be surprisingly good with kids.
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  3. When he gave us that pretty smile.
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  4. When he kept playing with his balls.
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  5. And brandishing his sword, oh my.
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  6. When he didn't even have to ask.
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  7. When we wrote a 10,000 word epic poem about his upper lip.
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  8. When he looked so good in sequins.
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  9. When he showed up just to tease us.
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  10. When he forgot how to Jareth for a second there.
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  11. When the dance magic happened.
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  12. When he taught us how to shimmy.
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  13. When he throttled his goblin (Note: not a euphemism.)
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  14. When he showed us what our Ken dolls were missing.
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  15. And when we knew it was real, forever.
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