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The 17 Real Winners And Losers Of The 2016 Golden Globes

Because you don't have to be a Golden Globe winner to win the Golden Globes.

After a night of drama, tears, and a few big surprises, all of the 2016 Golden Globes have been officially doled out to their deserving owners.

And of course, the winners -- including Jennifer Lawrence, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Lady Gaga -- all have our most heartfelt congratulations.

But at the same time, the concept of "winning" or "losing" is so much more complex than who went home with a shiny trophy (and who spent the rest of the night lining up to read Aziz Ansari's book about how to lose with dignity.) Below, we round up the true winners and losers from last night's (Jan. 10) awards.

  1. Winner and loser: Ricky Gervais.
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    Whatever you think of Ricky's emceeing job last night, he certainly delivered as anticipated -- and had a grand time doing it, too. But on the other hand, the entire internet now wants his head on a spike. So.

  2. Loser: Channing Tatum's hair.
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    We're gonna need to arrest his stylist for crimes against humanity.

  3. Winner: Bears.

    Although the bear from "The Revenant" was egregiously snubbed by the HFPA when it came to the Globes nominations, having him appear onstage by proxy was a step in the right direction. (The right direction being a future in which Miss Golden Globe is played by a live, actual bear.)

  4. Winner: Everyone who got a cookie in honor of Taraji P. Henson's win.

    Not only is this the best Golden Globes victory lap we've ever seen, but those cookies looked delicious.

  5. Winner: General irreverence toward the Hollywood old guard.

    From America Ferrera and Eva Longoria's shade-throwing at Hollywood's diversity problem, to Jamie Foxx's announcement that the overlooked "Straight Outta Compton" had won for Best Original Score, there was a lot of clapping back at the Globes this year, and it was glorious.

  6. Loser: Rambo.
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    That awkward moment when that total doofus Rocky Balboa gets a "best friend ever!" shoutout, and you get nothing.

  7. Winner: Awkward Matt Damon.

    Coming onstage mere seconds after one of the cutting-est jokes of the evening (about pal Ben Affleck's divorce and rumored infidelities) couldn't have been easy, but he handled it just right.

  8. Winner: Rachel Bloom's dance moves.

    More joy in a single hip thrust than most of us will experience in our entire lives.

  9. Loser: The teleprompter.

    Who's typing this s--t, indeed. For crying out loud, teleprompter. YOU HAD ONE JOB.

  10. Winner: Lady Gaga's entire look.
    Paul Drinkwater/NBCUniversal via Getty Images

    Someone should have brought her back onstage and given her a second award just for the dress.

  11. Loser: Ryan Gosling's feelings.

    A little salty at having to share the spotlight, are we?

  12. Winner: Katy Perry.

    Not only did she sport a bumpit at the ceremony, but she clearly had the best post-show party time ever.

  13. Loser: Everyone who clapped against Will Ferrell's wishes.

    Angry authoritarian Will Ferrell is our least favorite Will Ferrell.

  14. Winner: Leonardo DiCaprio

    Not only does this win bode well for his Oscar chances, but Leo definitely had the best night overall of any celeb at the Globes.

  15. Loser: Leo's elbow.

    That's what you get for sticking your dumb appendage into the Countess' path. Outta here with that nonsense.

  16. Winner: Rob Lowe's frozenface.

    Calling it now: This will be the best reaction gif of 2016.

  17. Winner: "Titanic" fans who never let go.

    Brb, pretending forever that this is actual footage of an alternate ending in which Jack and Rose both survived the shipwreck, sold The Heart of the Ocean for a bajillion dollars, and spent the rest of their lives happy and in love and adopting rescue pugs.