At some point in 2015 -- as you blew out the candles on your most recent birthday, perhaps, or maybe last New Year's Eve at the stroke of midnight as you tried (and failed) to find a suitable smooch partner -- you made a wish. And if you're like me, you wished that someone would take everything musical you loved about 2005 and mash it up with everything musical you loved about 2015. You stared into those wax candles or into the eyes of a buzzed stranger and screamed internally, "How much longer must you make me wait?!"
Today, you don't have to wait anymore. Captain Cuts, an L.A.-based production trio who've co-penned songs for Halsey, Tove Lo and Walk The Moon ("Shut Up And Dance," actually!), created the 32-minute mixtape of our dreams and posted it to Soundcloud over the weekend.
"If You're Listening It's Never Too Late" is the mix to end all mash-up mixes.
The highlights? Superimposing Patrick Stump singing Fall Out Boy's "Dance Dance" over the ethereal beat to Justin Bieber's "Children," thereby fulfilling every mid-2000s emo kid-turned-2015 clubgoer's ultimate wish -- and then dropping the beat to insert My Chemical Romance's "Welcome To The Black Parade" over Fetty Wap's "Trap Queen." Positively otherworldly.
The entire experience reaches a peak in "Wow I Can Get Hotline Bling," the brilliant pairing of Drake's new classic with Say Anything's ode to phone sex and chatting on the interweb. And there are 12 other mash-ups here that work so cosmically perfect somehow that I won't even attempt to explain them.
If you had a solid emo/pop-punk playlist on your iPod Nano, odds are the jams you held dear and blasted on the school bus are here, reimagined as part of modern pop. Get lost in the #feels, man.