About two weeks ago, we found out the awful (and awfully hilarious) truth about what happened when Kevin McCallister -- the scheming, resourceful kiddo who foiled inept bandits in not one but two "Home Alone" films -- grew up. Short answer: He never got over his traumatic incidents -- but did you expect him to?
Kevin's still out there, serving up justice as he sees fit to a world gone mad with greed, inflicting his wrath onto would-be carjackers who chose the wrong Honda to mess with. Macauley Culkin brilliantly reprised the role of his lifetime in a skit that, all things considered, got pretty #dark.
If you ever wondered what became of Harry and Marv, aka the "Wet Bandits" who terrorized Chicago (and later New York) and were foiled by Kevin's endless supply of Rube Goldberg-esque traps, your question has finally been answered. Sort of.
Daniel Stern, who played Marv in the first two "Home Alone" films, took to YouTube to recite a dramatic monologue in the character of Marv, discussing at length the fallout from his run-ins with Kevin. In a plea to his former partner-in-crime, Marv pleads with Harry to come find him to help protect against the now-grown Kevin.
"I saw it on the Internet -- that kid is coming to get us," he writhes in the video, close to tears. "I saw him. He's coming for all the home invaders and he's gonna come get us!"
"Nobody believed us about that stupid kid!" Marv continues. "He hit me in the head with a brick, an iron ... he electrocuted me, for godsakes! He turned me inside out -- now he's coming back to get us!"
Watch the whole video but be warned: It, too, gets #dark, particularly at the end. It's been real, Marv.