My Kid Freestyles Now and It’s the Best

This is probably definitely exactly what it felt like when Dr. Dre discovered Eminem.

Last week, Meechy, most assuredly the more outgoing of my twin sons, freestyle rapped, only it was less like he freestyle rapped and more like he FREESTYLE RAPPED. It was like when Reggie Miller went berserk-o in that fourth quarter of that ’94 playoff game against the Knicks. It was like when Mickey Rourke mollywhipped that racecar in half with that electro-whip in Iron Man 2. It was like if Brad Pitt and Will Smith had a baby, but, to be clear, only if we’re talking about Fight Club Brad Pitt and I Am Legend Will Smith, not Tree of Life Brad Pitt and Pursuit of Happiness Will Smith.

The entire video — HIS FIRST MUSIC VIDEO, OMG — is 18 seconds long, seven of which were spent prepping. It was filmed in the living room. In it, he is wearing grey boxer briefs and tiny tan nipples. That’s it. He’s the next Uncle Luke, probably.

The background music is from that silly song that Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg did about threesomes, which happened because the boys came downstairs while I was trying to show my wife some other Lonely Island video because, dang, that poor lady spends the totality of her days with someone shouting at her to come look at something suuuuuper funny.

The lyrics, which read like something from Nas’ Illmatic, are as follows, along with footnotes that follow the follows:

Uh(1) // I’m a thug(2) here // nobody messes with me in the house(3) // Uh // I’m a rapper(4) here // and I rap all day(5) // …Daaah-dee(6)!

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