DMX's Very Normal November (So Far)

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DMX has lived a life of highs and lows and weirds, but as of late, it seems the perpetually in-and-out-of-trouble rapper has finally found a degree of normalcy in his life. Born Earl Simmons, he first got locked up as only a teen on robbery charges, but successfully pulled off a short-lived escape attempt. “It Was December 16th, 1988. I broke out with this kid, I think his name was Bobby,” he told talk show host Dr. Drew yesterday. “It took me ten days to get home, it was the middle of winter, upstate New York.” He was eventually caught and brought back to prison, but as he grew older, he didn’t grow much wiser.

Indeed, even after inheriting the barking rapper shtick and surely enough money to live comfortably, he continued getting arrested for various charges, including animal cruelty, drug and weapons possession, and robbery, between 1998, and, well, now. His coup de grace was in 2004 -- while drunk and high on cocaine, he attempted to steal a car from JFK airport while impersonating a federal agent. This week, the internet has been captivated by DMX’s reemergence, but in the context of the DMX life, this is just all too normal.

November 1: DMX Mops a Waffle House

What is DMX up to at 4am in Greensville, SC? After a Halloween party at a local strip club (worst costumes ever, guys), Earl did what every man would do, and stopped by his local Waffle House for some late-night syrupy snacking. As if that wasn’t normal enough, he felt so moved by an employee’s fandom he decided to take over his mopping duties. His moral compass ready, DMX explained to TMZ, “The minute you get too big to mop a floor or wipe a counter, that’s the exact minute you have life fucked up.” Truth.

November 8: DMX Vaccums a Nightclub Floor

DMX’s latest binge seems to be a healthy one, as the rapper was caught vacuuming a random nightclub in South Carolina only a few days after his first public display of sanitation. DMX again describes his euphoria to TMZ: “Broom, vacuum, mop, whatever. It’s a rewarding experience ... I like clean shit and the supplies were available.” We can only assume his house is sparkling.

November 9: DMX Debuts “Keep Your Head Up” on Dr. Drew's Lifechangers 

Forget 106 & Park or MTV News, daytime TV is the trendiest hotspot to debut that new fire. Yesterday DMX paid a visit to Dr. Drew to share his troubled, abusive childhood, and offered an internship plus studio time to a kid headed down a similar path. In a situation that was slightly charming and very awkward, X performed (with a choir and a roaring fire place in the background) his prophetic new single “Keep Ya Head Up” for an audience that we assume falls out of the typical hip-hop demographic. Still, so does vacuuming floors and late-night Waffle House love.