This holiday season, tell your annoying roommate how you *really* feel about them with a present straight from
the depths of hell your heart. On the surface, the suggestions listed below seem like awesome, thoughtful gifts, but they come with ulterior motives.
Whether the roomie you love to hate is constantly forgetting their keys or leaving a carpet of hair across the living room, these gifts will hopefully make your shared space a little bit more bearable.
Light-Up Gummy Bear Keychain, $6
If they have somewhere cute to put their key, maybe they won't keep forgetting it. And if they're the kind of person who -- when they know you're home -- knocks on the door because they're too lazy to find their key, attach the keychain to a lanyard so it'll be easier to dig that thing out of a bottomless backpack or purse.
Panasonic In-Ear Headphones, $6.48
The whole apartment won't be subjected to their, uh, unique taste in music and/or that TV show you haven't caught up on. No one wants to overhear potential spoilers.
A gift card to a local restaurant
Literally anywhere, for literally any amount
This way, they won't raid your side of the fridge for at least one meal. No can say no to Chipotle.
Their own mug
I Woke Up Like This Mug, $8
Again, so they don't steal your go-to mug. Pre-coffee you cannot deal with that shizz in the morning.
A massive pack of gum
Dentyne Ice Arctic Chill (pack of 9), $10
They'll (hopefully) never ask you for a piece again.
An overly aggressive alarm clock
If they keep hitting snooze and their alarm clock keeps disturbing you -- UGH -- give them something that will get them out of bed the first time. The Wake-up Machine, a robotic arm that slaps you awake, was designed by YouTuber Simone Giertz. It's sadly not available for purchase, but there are plenty of alternatives, like a clock that requires you to stand up to turn it off. Just Google "annoying alarm clock" for lists of options.
Black & Decker Dustbuster Auto Vacuum, $19.99
"We all can use it!
But you really, really need to use it."
A fun calendar
RED HOT 2016 Anti-Bullying Calendar, £20.00
Photographer Thomas Knights' annual RED HOT calendars, which feature redheads in all their glory, are ??? AND support the U.K.'s Anti-Bullying Alliance. Buy it at Ginger Parrot. Make sure to circle the first of every month -- the day rent's due -- in a big red marker. Y'know, just to remind your roomie.
Sunset Tubular Hangers, $0.32 each
Tell your roomie they're to "add some color" and "decorate" their closet. Of course, this particular room decor just happens to require them to pick up their clothes off the floor. ?
And for you, an ice cream lock
Ben & Jerry's Euphori-Lock Ice Cream Pint Combination Lock Protector, $28.99
Nobody touches your ice cream. End of story.