image by FairyWish23 on Deviantart
Prepare yourselves – the new “Harry Potter” movie is coming! Except, well… Harry Potter’s not in it, per se. In case you missed the news, “Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them” is centered around Newt Scamander, the great-grandfather of Luna Lovegood’s husband.
It’s been about two hours since it was announced. Naturally, the internet proceeded to immediately excrete building materials, as is most appropriate in this situation. There will soon be much speculation flooding in about anything and everything. Based on what we know, (that Scamander is probably British, will be in his mid to late 20s, and that the movie will be set in New York in the 1920s) we thought we’d cut out some of the work for you guys right now, and name the seven actors most likely to be linked to the role of Newt Scamander by the end of today. You’re welcome.
The role of Newt Scamander is a high-profile thing, and you need a high-profile actor. And, whenever anyone calls for a British high-profile actor, you know whose name comes up about half of the time? Spoilers, it’s Blueberry Pumpkinpatch. We predict that by the end of today at least twenty two gossip websites, eighty-three tumblr blogs and a fanmade petition on WhiteHouse.gov will demand that Butawhiteboy Cantbekhan be cast as Newt Scamander, immediately.
All jokes aside, though, Cumberbatch does everything most excellently, and were he to actually be cast as Scamander, he’d probably do it well. Only problem is, Cumberbatch’s in his late 30s, and while he has quite youthful good looks, he is a bit too old to be a wizard in his early 20s. Unless he isn’t. Who knows. There’s no way he could mess it up, anyway, because he’s Benedict Cumberbatch and he does everything flawlessly.
When it’s not Benedict Cumberbatch, it’s usually Tom Hiddleston, and with good reason. The reason, is, of course, that he’s ridiculously handsome. He has an army. Many armies, even. I mean, if the man was to declare himself supreme overlord of the world, he’d probably have support worldwide. Playing a wizard? Easy-peasy in comparison.
Of course, Hiddleston is far too busy running around being a god of this universe, and is a bit too old for the role, but no one will care because it’s Tom Hiddleston.
It’s not a “most likely to be linked with important fandom role” list without a mention of Misha Collins, so we’re mentioning Misha Collins. He channels the spirit of a film-noir angel on CW’s “Supernatural”, and he has armies of his own (except he calls those armies GISHWHES). Could he be the one to play Scamander? We don’t know, but Tumblr probably already started a campaign for it.
Sure, he’s not British or in his early twenties, but we don’t care. #TeamMisha
He’s captured the hearts of many a Tumblr-dweller as Q in “Skyfall” and he’s the right age. He’s cute and marketable. Totally what the WB are probably looking for, right? RIGHT? He’s a likely candidate to be brought up by the fandom, and chances are, he’s a pretty likely candidate, period. Vote Whishaw for Scamander?
Well, he’s got that adorable kicked-puppy thing going on, and a legion of new fans from his role in “Game of Thrones” as Jon Snow. He’s young and good looking and an actor so that means they’d totally cast him as Newt Scamander. It’s practically guaranteed… once Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hiddleston are confirmed to not be connected.
Of course, the only fly in the ointment is that he might be busy doing other things, like hanging out with giant wolves and proclaiming that winter is coming, but you know… those are just technicalities.
We are so, so sorry but this had to be included. David Tennant would make a flawless Newt Scamander, and no, we do not care that he was Barty Crouch Jr. We do not care that he’s too old for the role. We do not care. We do not care. All hail David Tennant.
Ignore all the things. Just cast him as Scamander and get it over with!
Well, we were going to go with that fellow that was in “Thor” or that other fellow we can’t spell the name of (Chiwetel something or other?) but in the end, the side of us that was scrolling through its Tumblr dash won out and we went with the guy who plays the latest unfortunate schmuck to be stuck with the gig of Prophet on CW’s “Supernatural”. We don’t know much about him, other than the fact that he cosplays Castiel on his days off, willingly volunteers to be the centerpiece of a sacrificial shrine every once in a while, and a lot of people want to see him shirtless, but those are totally good enough qualities to elect Chau into the hall of Scamander hopefuls.
And now, for a moment, let’s be serious. We have no idea who’s going to be cast, and chances are it will be none of these people. So, let’s just calm down, take a deep breath, and re-read the entire “Harry Potter” series in a week. Okay?