TV

The GISHWHES Chronicle: THIS IS THE END

By Katherine Erlikh

A firsthand account of the madness that is the GISHWHES scavenger hunt.

The clock is counting down, and we’re on our very last stretch of GISHWHES. At 4pm EDT, the clock will run out and we’ll be done.

The Hunt Ends in 12 hours, 32 minutes and 22 seconds:

“Misha broke everyone again, didn’t he?” a friend of mine who isn’t doing GISHWHES asked. When I responded in the affirmative, she replied, “Do you need any post-GISHWHES supplies? Whiskey, Marlboros, and a loaded shotgun, perhaps?” (Spoilers: The answer to GISHWHES recovery tools is always yes.) She also confirmed that she’d have bail ready. (GISHWHES pro tip – always make sure that at least three people have bail ready, even if you don’t think you’ll need bail.)

The Hunt Ends in 11 hours, 28 minutes and 48 seconds:

I had a panic attack just looking at that clock. Nope nope nope noep neopneopraiopthaeiophgiopaehtgeaiopthehstgihaeopth can’t deal with this right now. We’re still missing half of our photos, and I still have 2.75 chapters to go and aaaaaaargh.

“Seriously, I’ll just dump some cereal and the rest of the spoiled milk into the toilet, you don’t need to rush the book out.” Leif offered, watching me run around like a newly headless chicken. But no, I blogged that I was going to do it and I damn well am going to do it… in the meantime, please feel free to try and imagine what kind of task involves writing a book, spoiled milk, and a toilet bowl.

The Hunt Ends in 11 hours, 20 minutes and 38 seconds:

This week is apparently all about the tampons. None of us are even on our periods right now, so I’m not sure how that happened. Alexa got to hug an adorable Cas cosplayer in a flower crown, from another GISHWHES team. I want a flower crown. Why don’t I have a flower crown?

The Hunt Ends in 11 hours, 05 minutes and 52 seconds:

GISHWHES pro tip: When a spoon is not available to stir your tea, it is acceptable to use other implements, such as knives, pencils and Iron Man action figures.

Also, friendly reminder I am basically killing myself with work for a task worth only 24 points. It’s not really about the points, though. It’s about something else.

The Hunt Ends in 9 hours, 48 minutes and 29 seconds:

David did the thing with poetry in motion. Also, the kale thing is done. Amanda did the kale thing. There’s always a kale thing. Misha/kale is a ship. It’s called Male.

GISHWHES pro tip: If someone on your team is doing strange things, such as checking how many witches were burned during the Middle Ages, or possibly making up ship names for things that aren’t generally shipped (celebrities, vegetables, teammates), they are probably stalling for time. However, time (and GISHWHES) wait for no one, so you should probably drop-kick them out of the procrastination zone… oh wait. OH GOD AMBER DON’T DROP KICK ME I’LL BEHAVE I SWEAR

The Hunt Ends in 9 hours, 33 minutes and 57 seconds:

Amber just dropped her phone on her computer, and now both are acting wonky. #GISHWHESCasualties

The Hunt Ends in 6 hours, 31 minutes and 22 seconds:

Make that five partial nudes on Team TheFandomLife’s submissions counter.

“I’m really glad we got organized on Facebook, but it was probably a terrible idea to get organized on FACEBOOK,” David noted. “Yes, well, it’s GISHWHES and everything is a terrible idea,” I told him. Amanda pointed out that there is a great deal of truth in that statement. We all took a pause to make pterodactyl sounds.

The Hunt Ends in 5 hours, 47 minutes and 28 seconds:

David realizes he knows a taxidermist. Taxidermist informs him he’s not first one to ask him the question he came to ask. #GISHWHES #TheyreEverywhere

The Hunt Ends in 4 hours, 52 minutes and 12 seconds:

“Didn’t think I’d wake up to a woman with a tampon in her nose today but I’m certainly not going to be surprised after the preceding week,” Leif remarked. That pretty much sums up our GISHWHES week, actually.

The Hunt Ends in 3 hours, 24 minutes and 29 seconds:

Last minute scramble to keep all the photos in order and make sure everything is submitted. This is a nightmare. Stained glass window and at least one other thing may not be happening. Cecelia making a cover for the book. Albino mice still not going under. I’m terrified. If I have to see a clock again. I am going to throw up.

The Hunt Ends in 1 hour, 54 minutes and 59 seconds:

Madness setting in. sleep deprivation set in hours ago. Hungry. Must keep working. Pain. Ow.

I love how we started out with a plan and ended up with sheer chaos.

The Hunt Ends in 45 minutes and 22 seconds:

Finished the book with an hour to spare. There we go. I’ve just broken my brain for approximately 24 points. Go me.

The Hunt Ends in 15 minutes and 28 seconds:

I’m the last one to submit a thing. It’s a little eerie and quiet. I’m somewhat terrified. Are we missing anything? I’m scared… MOMMYYYYY

The Hunt Ends in 13 minutes and 33 seconds:

Amber and Leif still working on videos. [pterodactyl sounds into void]

The Hunt Ends in 5 minutes and 23 seconds:

OMFG DAVID FORGOT TO SUBMIT ALL HIS THINGS EVERYONE PROCEED TO PANIC

The Hunt Ends in 1 minute and 58 seconds:

RESUBMIT EVERYTHING

PANIC

I CANT EVEN LOAD IMGUR RIGHT NOW

The Hunt Ends Now:

The site is down. The submissions are over. The time has run out. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with all of this adrenaline, all of these pitchforks, and this jumbo octopus.

Wait. We survived GISHWHES.

I REPEAT, WE SURVIVED GISHWHES. SWEET GODSTIEL AND A GAME OF NAKED TWISTER WE SURVIVED GISHWHES.

We have to wait a while until the results are out – obviously with only 9 judges or so it’s going to take a little while to look at all the submissions. Once we know our final standings, there will be one more GISHWHES 2013 post from Team TheFandomLife… but until then, we’ll be recovering in a vat of gin.