all problems are gishwhes

By Katherine Erlikh

A firsthand account of the madness that is the GISHWHES scavenger hunt.

Well, we’ve hit Thursday in Hell Week, and this is the busiest day for the New York branch of Team TheFandomLife. We regret all things immensely. Also, hummus is delicious. As I was out most of the day, the chronicle will be presented in the form of a bunch of lists, notes and texts I’ve found on my phone. Memory loss, sleep deprivation, confusion and a lack of context prevents me from expanding upon most of these notes… but it’s okay, because it’s not as if all my previous posts on GISHWHES made much sense.

10:25 am

In notes section: SHOPPING LIST

- tape

- Dora the Explorer napkins

- 3 bottles of tea

- gold glitter nail polish

- 1 time travel device

- tea light candles

- fake blood

- 1 horse heart, fresh

- hummus

11:47 am

Haven’t slept yet. May have the divers. Am now on train with bag of wings, eggs, towels (it’s a Thursday), 24 karat gold wire and tampons, amongst other assorted things. I’m not going to question any of this stuff.

11:50 am

“I am on a train with nothing and feel as if I have forgotten something important,” mused Leif. “Oh, yes. It was my pants.”

“What are you guys planning, and should I have bail ready?” asked Jenny from all the way over in DC as she draped herself with large amounts of aluminum foil. (GISHWHES Pro Tip: the answer to the question “should I have bail ready” is always yes. Even if you’re planning on doing nothing wrong.)

12:34 pm

Text from Cecelia: “Hey, where are you?”

Reply: “statue”

attached with message: blurry photo of a pigeon

Sleep-deprived me is kind of an a**hole. #Sorry

12: 38 pm

“You’re the only one not wearing Converse and sunglasses. You can’t sit with us.”

12:46 pm

Video on my phone:


”It’s okay, Cecelia has an iPad.”


”Okay, perfect, that’s a wrap everyone!”

“But… I just found my camera. Are you telling me I found my camera just as everything was finished?”

“Yes, that is exactly what we are telling you.”

"Don’t feel bad, that’s exactly what happened when I was born.”

1:33 pm

A blurry photo of a giant ball of crumpled aluminum foil, with no explanation or context provided, appears to have been taken by me at this time.

2:28 pm

Hugged everyone in Union Square, ate hummus, started cult, may have startled passers-by, police still disinterested in our antics. The tourists seem to believe we are doing performance art.

2:37 pm

writing sonnets in binary please stand by

3:17 pm

“What can we do with tissue paper, poster board, tampons, the head of a Guitar Hero guitar and neon pink Dora the Explorer napkins?”

“If we’re MacGuyver, anything.”

“This is GISHWHES. For the rest of this week, we are all MacGuyver.”

3:24 pm

“Do you think they’d have a spare dialysis patient if we were to just hail an ambulance on the street?”

"The real question is, can we get arrested for calling 911 if we are not injured?”

“Erm… yes?”

“Oh, good, that’s how we’ll get to the prison task, then.”

“I’m not going to Sing Sing. Or Rikers.”

3:39 pm

“If I go to jail today, it probably has something to do with a giant pilfered tank of nitrogen,” I wrote to teammate Amber, but somehow never sent. I’m sure her reply would have been, “Okay, Loki.”

4:03 pm

Why are there no churches open on a Thursday? How are we supposed to get condemned by a priest if there are no priests available?

4:07 pm

Text to Amber: “Please have bail ready, kthx”

Reply: “Aye aye.”

4:30 pm

Accidentally ended up on a film set, confused a bunch of Rosicrucians, have not started apocalypse yet. Still no priest.

4:46 pm

In search of priest, we visited a church. Today, we learned we would make AWFUL secret agents, as we could not stop giggling at the crime scene (so to speak). Encountered weeping angel. Ran away bravely.

6:00 pm


7:34 pm

“So, guys, I’m putting a tux on the car,” Kyrsten wrote to us. I’m slightly scandalized her vehicle did not get her a corsage.

8:09 pm

3000 photos on my camera how did this happen I don’t even have the energy for punctuation or all caps

8:14 pm

“Make sure the blog post mentions that today no less than 3 of our members posted near-nudes wearing only scavenged items,” Leif told me. I’m… really not sure what’s going on anymore.

I think I kind of… passed out around there, and woke up at 11… promptly got up and started doing things again. WILL THIS WEEK END IN THE DEMISE OF TEAM THEFANDOMLIFE? It’s a distinct possibility. Now… does anyone have a mythical ancient Greek sea monster or Lovecraftian horror that they could lend me tomorrow? I’ll pay you with pistachio mini cupcakes.