DC Comics To Reboot Universe Again, Back To The Golden Age

 

Everything old is new again: DC’s “Old ’42”

In response to criticism regarding their “New 52” initiative and what some fans perceive as the “destruction” of past continuity, DC Comics announced today that they would be performing yet another reboot — setting the clock back to the 1940s permanently.

DC commented on the unusual move in a press release:

“You want continuity, huh? Here you go: back to the $&#$#@ Golden Age, you basement dwellers! Is that ’honoring the past’ enough for you? Huh? HUH?!”

Comic fans have such delights as “Brutal Superman” and reliving the Second World War to look forward to, in the “Old ’42” reboot.

Newcomer writer Ernest Philbee, whose previous credits include an unpublished “Life With Louie” story in 1997 and authoring the backs of several cereal boxes, commented on his “Old ’42” book, “The Red Bee”:

“I’m just happy to be here…I’m just happy to be here…”

Going back to Wonder Woman’s feminist roots with the “Old ’42”

“The Old ’42” promises to be controversial on several fronts, not the least of which is that there are no superheroes of color whatsoever, and Wonder Woman is constantly being tied up and prodded with branding irons by Mars and Doctor Psycho. Turning again to the DC press release:

“Ooh, ’Legacy Characters’ of color SUCK, do they? They’re RACIST huh, Mr. Self-Rightous Hipster Blogger? Great! Let’s go back to when there were no legacy characters! Let’s go back to $^&$^$ Pie Face before his 20 different makeovers! There’s progress for you, right? And we’re too ’sexist’ in our treatment of female characters? Well enjoy Marston’s Wonder Woman, you $^%$%$!! Satisfied now?! Leave us alone! For God’s sake, leave us…alone.”

Other goodies to await “Old ’42” readers include Bizarro Hitler, ration stamps that you can clip-and-save, and a stirring new “Batman” arc entitled “The Joker’s Boner”:

When contacted about this story, a DC representative had this to say: “What? What is it now?! Did we shoot your dog? Did we say you look fat in those jeans? What?! What is it?! Oh for pity’s sake let us watch ’Game of Thrones’ in peace…”

DISCLAIMER: This has been an April Fools “news” article written for humorous purposes; any resemblance to a comic book publisher located in New York City across the street from “David Letterman” is entirely unintentional.

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