Well, THAT was an intriguing headline, wasn’t it? Does it have any substantiation at all? Have I just made this up out of nowhere for just some cheap, fleeting unique views?
Things didn’t look too good for Alfred Pennyworth at the end of “Batman” #13, did it? Poor old Alf looked like he was going to get majorly smacked upside his head with a hammer by the Joker. Is Bruce Wayne’s trusted butler okay?
Let’s jump ahead to “Batman #14,” where Bruce — who has narrowly escaped being eaten alive by a nasty chemical soup, listens to the following on an audiotape “gift” from Joker:
Alfred: If you think being blindfolded intimidates me —
Joker: …you’re not blindfolded, good sir — I burned your eyes with ammonia.
THEN, Batman tells Gordon: “The Joker is totally targeting everyone close to me, I need to get you to a safe bunker” and Gordon is like: “no, I have to face this” and then he SUDDENLY BLEEDS FROM EVERY PORE IN HIS FRICKIN’ BODY!
Batman doesn’t want to alarm the entire Bat-Family about the kidnapping of Alfred and how Gordon was bleeding everywhere, so he just confides in Nightwing. Nightwing’s all like: “well I’m coming with you,” and Batman’s like “no, you’d only get hurt,” and Nightwing’s like: “then why’d you tell me then?!”
Finally, we get the big face-off (let me know when these puns are wearing thin) that we’ve been waiting for — Batman Vs. Joker. Joker asks Bats: “What, no kiss?” — which seems to be a running theme in these crossovers. Maybe Joker is just lonely. (more on that later)
After committing some more mass-murder, Joker reveals the thing Batman most feared — he knows the identity of the entire Bat-Family! And is gonna kill them all!
Also: Joker tells Nightwing he smells nice. Again — I think Jokes is just lonely.
As insane as Joker is, I think he brings up a good point in this issue — are there just too many damn members of this Bat-Family? What is this, “Eight Is Enough”? (or “7th Heaven”? Am I showing my age here?)
Batgirl #14 is even more crazy, as Babs, who has just had to deal with that awful Knightfall business, has to get multiple “Killing Joke” flashbacks. Then it seems as if the Joker is going all “Scream” on her with the phone thing, telling her to make a sammich (also, that her mom is abducted). Do you know how hard it is to make a decent sammich when fighting off crazed clown goons while knowing that your mom is in the hands of a lunatic? But that’s Batgirl for you!
I won’t spoil what happens with the whole phone thing (subplot for next issues, natch!), but here’s the big bombshell — Joker says he wants to marry Batgirl! Because that’s exactly what you would say after shooting a woman in the spine several years ago,
paralyzing her temporarily paralyzing her. What, not even a first date first, perhaps a talk over crepes?
But what about Joker’s long-suffering on-again/off-again sidekick Harley Quinn, you may ask? We find out the skinny on their loving reunion in “Suicide Squad” #14. It involves Joker gas, a really long blade, and Joker threatening to have a peek at Deadshot’s dead winkie. And that’s just for starters.
Regardless of everything that goes down in this issue, Harley still seems completely (well, at least 85-88%) willing to take Joker back. To which I can only say:
So there you have it, where we are so far in month two of “Death Of The Family”
Will Batgirl marry Joker?
Will members of the Bat-Family really die?
Should Red Robin be sort of nervous at this point and perhaps switch to another Superhero Family that doesn’t have quite so many members in it, like “The Booster Gold Family”?
And what brand of soap is Nightwing using, anyway?
Stay tuned, same Bat-Chan–well, you know the drill.
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