Spider-Man Turns 50: Our Webslinging Birthday Wishes

Despite being played by young actors on the big screen, you are getting up in the years, Spider-Man. Today is the 50th anniversary of your first appearance in Stan Lee’s “Amazing Fantasy #15,” and you’re looking good after all this time!

Considering “The Amazing Spider-Man’s” success in theaters and the fact that you’re now being played by British actor Andrew Garfield, we’d consider 2012 to be a pretty great year for you. But what’s important here is that you have a great day. After all, fictional comic book characters only turn 50 once. Here’s a list of our five birthday wishes for your big 5-0.

It’s Villain- and Crime-Free
There’s no bigger damper on a great birthday than being called in to work, and we’re guessing it’s the same for superheroes. After all, you probably aren’t going to be crime-fighting fit when you crack into that third glass of aged scotch (or whatever old people drink nowadays) that you’ve been waiting years to taste. Green Goblin, Doc Ock and the Lizard, maybe give the guy a break for the day.

“The Amazing Spider-Man” Beats “Dark Knight” At The Box Office
“The Amazing Spider-Man” has been out in theaters since the beginning of July which means it isn’t likely to have a surprise come back and top box office champion “The Dark Knight Rises” any time soon. But a girl can dream, can’t she? Maybe today fans will swoop in to the 2,000-plus theaters still showing “The Amazing Spider-Man” and give it the $100 million or so needed to beat Batman in the box office. That’s as good a gift as any!

Your Girlfriend Isn’t Kidnapped, Angry Or Killed
Let’s face it: you don’t have the best luck with women. For a science geek, you manage to land some major hotties. If you need any further proof, Gwen Stacy was played by Emma Stone and Mary-Jane Watson by Kirsten Dunst. But things also often don’t go too well for the ladies you’re involved with. At least for today, we hope whoever she is at the moment manages to stay home and bake you a birthday cake instead of being thrown off a bridge or something worse.

J. Jonah Jameson Gives You The Day Off Work
Every superhero needs his day job, and for you it’s as a photographer under the watchful, sarcastic eye of Daily Bugle editor-in-chief J. Jonah Jameson. Hopefully he can cut you some slack and give you a day away from your duties since, after all, Spider-Man is getting the day off too. If he starts to give you a hard time, just bring up the fact that Jameson wasn’t even in “The Amazing Spider-Man.” Sorry, J.K. Simmons.

You Don’t Get A Wedgy In That Suit
That spandex can’t be especially comfortable when you’re swinging around New York City supported by nothing other than enhanced spider webs. Hopefully today you manage to get through it without any discomfort in your lower region and only dole it out as punishment like this.

What’s your birthday wish for Spider-Man on his big day? Tell us in the comments section below or on Twitter!