by Ryan Rigley
This past weekend, fans of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" were discouraged (to say the least) when news that "Transformers" director Michael Bay plans on giving the turtles an alien origin hit the web. Bay, who is producing the movie, was quick to respond by telling outraged fans everywhere to "take a breath, and chill."
Yet, tempers continued to flare as the heated debate made its way to one of the original Ninja Turtles. Robbie Rist, the voice behind Michelangelo in the original film, had this to say on the matter: "I know believing in mutated talking turtles is kinda silly to begin with but am I supposed to be led to believe there are ninjas from another planet? The rape of our childhood memories continues."
From its inception, the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" franchise has always been super gimicky. Originally starting as a "grim and gritty" Frank Miller-esque parody, the turtles have held a certain set of tropes throughout their many years of publication. These tropes, as ridiculous as they may seem, are the reason why we all love the characters so much and serve as timeless mainstays in Ninja Turtle lore.
So how can Michael Bay win "Turtles" fans back? If he sticks to these five rules, he just might stand a chance.
» Pizza Parties
It's no secret that the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles love their pizza. In fact, it's basically the only thing that they eat! Michael Bay needs to make his turtles pizza fiends and that is not a request. If you think fans are outraged now, wait until you see their reaction to the news that the alien turtles will only eat hamburgers. We guarantee you that there will be rioting in the streets.
» Sewer Skateboarding
Being teenagers, the Ninja Turtles are quite fond of skateboarding. Although Michelangelo is the primary skateboard enthusiast (and party dude) of the group, each of the turtles have been known to board at one time or another. They're also great at surfing and hoverboarding, as made evident by 1991's "Turtles In Time" video game. Get the gang on wheels at some point in the film, and we'll breathe a little easier.
» Leonardo Vs. Raphael
As many Ninja Turtle fans know, there has always been an ongoing feud between Leonardo and Raphael. Leonardo being the headstrong leader of the group and Raphael being a short-tempered rebel, it's no wonder that these two turtles clash shells so often. One of the best scenes in 2007's "TMNT" animated movie was the fight scene between these two. Hopefully, Michael Bay will take note.
» Casey Jones
Everyone's favorite hockey mask wearing vigilante is loved by TMNT fans all over the world for a reason. Casey Jones is not only a master of stealth, but also proficiently skilled in the art of kicking ass with a baseball bat. And a cricket bat. And a golf club. And a hockey stick. Despite sticking out like a sore thumb, Casey Jones has never been caught by the police. Eventually, he becomes a love interest of April O'Neil, one of the turtles' most important human associates. Adding Casey Jones to the mix will almost defintely spark the interest of many as-of-now reluctant fanboys.
» Above All Else...
DON'T MAKE THEM ALIENS. Seriously.
How can Michael Bay win "TMNT" fans back? Can he win fans back? Tell us in the comments section or hit us up with your thoughts on Twitter!