There's no shortage of questions these days about what the heck is going on with "Spider-Man 4." With production stalled and rumors circulating regarding exactly who's at fault in keeping the webslinger grounded, it's difficult to determine what the real problem with the project is right now — and more importantly, how to solve it.
Fortunately, a set of "Spider-Man 4" script notes have appeared online that could provide some hints. Okay, so they're not real script notes, just a clever column by Mark Lisanti over at MovieLine, but they're pretty hilarious all the same.
From "Avatar" tie-ins and musical numbers to questions about the correct phrasing of Twitter terms, there's something in this fictional script for every Spider-fan to hate. If nothing else, they provide a great example of the worst-case scenario for "Spider-Man 4."
Here are some of our favorites:
pg 1. Still not convinced opening with a musical number is the way to go. But I know that SR loved the musical Peter Parker bit in SM3 and thinks that starting on one here makes the bus hijacking by the terrorist (Hungarian! not Al Qaeda, too sensitive!) a real sucker-punch. The execution isn’t there. “Walkin’ On Sunshine,” really? If we’re gonna do it, we can do better. Taylor Swift better. Let me worry about the licensing.
pg 12. Having J.Jonah scream that Peter should “go start a blog” if he doesn’t like the low price for his photos feels stale. Consider “go tweet a Twitter.” Dbl check, but I think that’s what they say.
pg. 56. OK. I KNOW we all had a conf call about how important Avatar is to our business. I GET it. But we’re gonna get KILLED on the blogs with this Vulture nonsense. Malkovich can’t - CAN NOT - lie down in a pod, have his brain shoot thru a psychedelic tunnel, and then FLY out of his lair in the ten-foot-tall body of a blue vulture. NO. First of all, Isn’t Vulture color scheme usually green? Second of all, NO. DERIVATIVE. Still think Iron Man-style armor with wings is way to go. Or Goblin gliders strapped to arms. Either/or. Both art concepts were solid.
See? Told you so. But be honest — isn't there a small part of you that actually wants to see this film?