When “Preacher” was first getting off the ground years ago, James Marsden was cast as Jesse, a former preacher who has the Voice of God — when he speaks, you have no choice but to follow his command, even if it’s “Eat your gun.” Marsden, no offense, doesn’t seem quite that powerful. But Nathan Fillion — who already played a nasty preacher on “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and got the western thing down pat on “Firefly” — seems like he could make anyone do his bidding.
Runners-up: Johnny Depp, Casey Affleck, or Matthew McConaughey (if you dye his hair black).
Tulip is a tomboy who her dad (when he thought she’d be a he) wanted to name John William Grady O’Hare. Practically raised as a boy, Tulip needs to have a certain toughness — no big, weepy empathetic eyes. Cameron Diaz originally wanted the part, but she still seems a little too sweet. How about Ali Larter?
Runners-up: Terminatrix Kristanna Loken also has the right look, but does she have the range?
He’s a hard-living, hard-drinking Irish vampire who emigrated to America in the early 20th Century, so even though he still looks 25, he needs to be able to convey the strain that immortality has put on him. Most people would want to cast an Irishman for this part, but if the filmmakers want to go with an unknown, we here at MTV News have been teasing director Mike Kilkenny for years how he’s a dead-ringer for Cassidy. He just needs to cut his hair.
Runners-up: What, you want an actor? How about Guy Pearce, Cillian Murphy, or Robert Carlyle?
SAINT OF ALL KILLERS
His guns never misfire, and they never run out. This has to be Clint Eastwood.
Runners-up: Lance Henrickson also has that western-and-wounded look, but Sam Elliott would be better to talk the talk.
Not only does she have to be up there in the years, as the matriarch of Jesse Custer’s family, but she has to exude menace and power. She punishes her grandson for swearing by locking him in a coffin for a week, for Christ’s sake! Our vote goes to Professor McGonagall herself, Maggie Smith.
Runners-up: Diane Ladd or Estelle Parsons.
Gran’Ma has two henchmen, the strongman of which is Jody. He has to seem larger than life — after all, he can beat up a gorilla — and Bruce Campbell would be up for that.
Runners-up: Josh Brolin or Anthony Michael Hall (with darker hair).
Of the two, T.C. is a little less scary, if more perverse, since he likes to have sex with anything, living or dead, human or animal. Ron Howard’s brother Clint looks just like him.
Runners-up: Billy Bob Thornton or Gary Sinese.
The Sacred Executioner of the Grail, he’s a sadistic and scarred German with a penchant for order. Patrick Stewart, much like he did in “Conspiracy Theory,” would make an excellent agent of a corrupt cause.
Runners-up: Willem Dafoe and Christopher Walken, if they’re willing to shave their heads.
A co-conspirator of Herr Starr’s, Featherstone’s admiration for Starr turns into love, despite him being a monster. Elisabeth Moss could do the clipped delivery, and yet still remain empathetic.
Runners-up: If she’s too young, try Stephanie March, Maura Tierney or Mary Elizabeth Winstead (in a blond bob wig and glasses).
Another co-conspirator, Hoover just can’t get anything right. He loves Featherstone, who loves Starr. He’s supposed to get a prostitute for Starr, and he hires a man. Eventually, Custer makes him go count the grains of sand on a beach, which really wigs him out. J. August Richards (currently on “Raising the Bar”) could do the pre-ordeal Hoover as well as the post-traumatic version.
Runners-up: Sean Patrick Thomas, Adrian Lester and Corey Reynolds (Sgt. Gabriel on “The Closer”) could also handle the role.
JESUS DE SADE
A hedonist, Jesus De Sade has to be able to committ or bear witness to the most pervese acts and still look bored. Julian Sands would make him seem classy.
Runners-up: Paul Bettany or Milo Ventimigila (as a blond) are thin yet built enough for the part, which would require massive nudity.
An inbred descendent from the line of Christ (since in this version, Jesus did not die on the cross), the Messiah is a bright-eyed idiot who likes to say things like, “Humperdumperdoo!” If Michael Cera ever wanted to prevent himself from being typecast as the sweet but wimpy love interest, this would be the role.
Runners-up: Cera might be comic-book’ed out after “Scott Pilgrim,” so what about Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin’)?
So do you agree or disagree with our picks? Chime in with your own “Preacher” cast picks below!