We Love You, But Don’t Quit Your Day Job: 5 Celebs Who Shouldn’t Pursue Rap Careers

By Kara Warner

Inspired in large part by actress Anne Hathaway’s Lil Wayne-style rant rap that she performed for Conan O’Brien, we got to thinking about all the other famous faces we’ve heard rap in public and/or via YouTube whose vocal talents “shine better elsewhere,” so to speak.

In no particular order, here are five individuals whose lyrical stylings, while at times courageous, unique and sometimes really cute, shouldn’t be repeated. With ONE surprise exception.

Joaquin Phoenix
Who can forget the actor-turned-rapper-turned-trickster’s hoax during which he had some folks convinced he was giving up acting in order to become a legit rap artist? It was all very confusing, even when he announced that his year of extraordinary eccentric behavior was part of filming the mockumentary, “I’m Still Here.” Of all those on this list, Phoenix’s attempts at rapping were the most unsettling.

Britney Spears
When you think of Ms. Spears, there are visions of squeaky-clean, bubble-gum humble beginnings on Disney’s “Mickey Mouse Club.” Or the still-innocent-but-semi-scandalous Catholic school girl outfit she sported in the video for “Baby One More Time.” Both interesting and excellent moments for a pop star – not a rapper. The evidence: Spears’ impromptu ill-suited attempt filmed during an early episode of MTV’s “Punk’d” with Ashton Kutcher (Hint: it’s at the 4-minute mark).

Selena Gomez
Let us just say that we think Gomez is one of the cutest, sweetest things on the planet. No matter how grown-up she’s starting to look, or how surprising her rap skills, we don’t want her rap/singing Nicki Minaj songs with such panache. Even if the video has over ten million views. Ten million views! She’s only 19! Stick with the pop music for a little while longer, please?

Justin Bieber
We love our Bieber, but much like our problem with too-sweet Selena spittin’ out lyrics like “He cold he dope he might sell coke,” we can’t quite wrap our heads around tween pop King Bieber covering Busta Rhymes’ crazy fast lines with Chris Brown on “Look At Me Now.” Maybe in the Polka version though, that one is much friendlier.

Anne Hathaway
The aforementioned actress’ anti-paparazzi rap falls into the bold and creative category, and as much as we admire the effort put into the piece, we love and much prefer Hathaway’s speaking or singing voice.

There is, however, one exception to the rule…

Natalie Portman
This Oscar-winner earned a free pass to rap whenever she sees fit with her crazy brilliant, crazy hilarious performance in one of the best SNL Digital Shorts ever. Never mind her work in “Black Swan,” she should have received an award for the Digital Short.

Who else deserves to be on the list? Tell us in the comments or on Twitter!

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