Lady Gaga Reveals In HBO Special: ‘I Still Sometimes Feel Like A Loser’

On May 7, Lady Gaga is taking HBO to the Monster Ball for her first-ever concert special on the cable network. She joins a number of other pop stars like ’NSYNC and Britney Spears, who have captured some of their finest moments for HBO’s lenses. The special also acts as part-documentary, giving fans a behind-the-scenes peek at life for Gaga on the road.

In a revealing new clip from the special, Gaga is shown backstage, wiping off makeup, talking to her inner circle about her insecurities as she breaks down in tears. It makes for compelling television and shows the vulnerable side of the pop star. Her monologue is full of juicy nuggets, but there are a few really tantalizing bites that are sure to leave her little monsters wanting more.

“I start to think about all the people that have tried to stop me, and I get this super-intense fury … I just sometimes feel like a loser still,” she says. “It’s crazy ’cause we’re at the Garden, but I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school. And I just got to pick myself up and I have to tell myself I’m a superstar every morning so that I can get through this day and be for my fans what they need for me to be. But sometimes I still feel like people are trying to destroy me.”

When asked by someone off-camera what she intends to tell her haters onstage that night, she responds, “That I cannot be destroyed. I cannot be destroyed, and I will not be destroyed, and you will never destroy the kingdom that is my fans.”

Gaga even opens up about how difficult it is for people to understand how real she is. It’s a topic she recently broached in an interview with NME. “I’m fighting for every kid that’s like me — that felt like I felt and feels like I still feel. It hurts when I know how much authenticity and how much genuine blood is in my spirit and how much I feel like people don’t know that ’cause they see wigs and lipstick and they just shut down ’cause they don’t understand,” she says.

Previous teases have shown Gaga hitting the streets of New York, dressed in a studded leather jacket and high platform ankle boots, as “Born This Way” plays in the background. That same promo showed the madness at MSG leading up to her show, footage of which is also in the clip. In the second, shorter preview, shots of her performance are revealed as her new single, “Judas,” plays.

What do you think of Gaga’s revelations in the new clip? Tell us in the comments!