Given that the theme of this week's "American Idol" is "Songs from the 21st Century," it's only natural that the Top 7 are being mentored by Bruce Springsteen, a guy who's about as 21st century as Spanish Influenza.
Then again, we'd expect nothing less from "Idol," which, in its tenth season, has tossed common sense by the wayside. The judges seem hell-bent on praising even the most underwhelming of talent (shout-out to Haley Reinhart!), or preserving their chances with ill-advised saves (shout-out to Casey Abrams!), even if that strategy eventually comes back to bite them — and the show — in the butt (shout-out to Pia Toscano!) There's been the bats--t "mentoring" of Will.I.Am, who seems incapable of making sense, host Ryan Seacrest's constantly evolving hairstyles, and, of course, terrifying performances from folks like Constantine Maroulis and Iggy Pop.
In short, this season has been a mess, to the point where making Springsteen the mentor during "Songs from the 21st Century" week almost makes sense. Still, we'd be remiss if we didn't point out that there are a whole lot of other artists the "Idol" folks could've booked this week ... most of whom were not born during the Truman administration. Don't get us wrong, none of them could carry the Boss's Jersey Jock, but they're at least, you know, 21st Century. Who'd we pick? Read on to find out!
Justin Bieber: About as close as we've got to a current "American Idol" (despite the fact he's Canadian), JB could teach this season's crop of contestants a thing or three about Pop-N-B, and introduce them to Usher, too. Also, we have no idea what he'd do with Scotty McCreery, but we guarantee it would make for compelling TV.
Nicki Minaj: She's got the hits and the attitude, so why not have the candy-colored crossover queen bring her talents (and many, many wigs) to "Idol?" At the very least, she'd teach everyone how to rap in a faux-Cockney accent, which would probably make Lauren Alaina's head explode.
John Mayer: Not only is he respected and talented, but Mayer's side-splittingly funny, too, and that alone would make him an excellent mentor. Plus, there is a one-hundred percent chance he'd romance Reinhart before he left the show.
Any Jonas Brother: Seriously, pick one. Even Bonus Jonas.
P!nk: "Idol" is in desperate need of a totally bad-ass chick, and there is perhaps no chick as bad-ass as P!nk, who, despite being approximately 47 months pregnant, would inject some attitude into the proceedings. Also, this season's contestants would do well to follow her take-no-prisoners, do-it-my-way career choices. She'd be a true mentor in every sense of the word.
Eminem: Hey, him and Jimmy Iovine are tight, so who knows? Plus, his daughters have got to be fans of the show, right?