'Jersey Shore' By The Numbers: I'm Kind Of Eww About Her

Defying the laws of space, time and rational thought on Thursday's (March 17) episode of "Jersey Shore," Ronnie and Sammi managed to squeeze an entire relationship into the span of few hours. They made up, got cuddly, proceeded upstairs to smush, then began arguing, and not soon after broke up for what Sam more or less accurately described as the "40th million time."

At issue was the dude Sammi hit up to meet up at a Seaside Heights club and how the Situation has an uncanny ability to insert himself into other people's bidness. For a second week in a row, Sitch did his best to set Ron against his gal, then sat back and watched the dramz unfold, speaking up here and there with a well-timed, if grammatically hobbled, bit of smack talk ("You are the worst argument person ever," he told Sam at one point). In the end, it worked, and the most annoying couple on reality TV were no more (at least for now), as Ron declared, "I'm kind of eww about her."

That's exactly how the roomies felt about Ron's mom, who, in one of the sadder moments in the show's history, repeatedly drunk-dialed the house, demanding to talk to her son and eagerly bad-mouthing Sam. But things weren't entirely gloomy in Seaside this week. Vinny welcomed some bling into his life when he got his ears pierced, which had him swaggering all over town and initiating a rap battle. His faux-diamond studs weren't the only puzzling fashion choice we witnessed. Deena sheathed herself in denim before hitting a club, despite Pauly's sing-song mockery set to some "Super Mario Brothers" music: "denim, denim, denim."

Fun times! But, we fear, they're not going to last for long. Like Pauly's Israeli stalker, drama between Sam and Ron is bound to pop up again soon. And about that prospect, we feel pretty much how Pauly does about his stalker: "Danielle is the only thing that scares me in Seaside."