The hit sitcom “Two and a Half Men” is a lot like meth: Nobody admits to getting involved with it, but it’s so huge that you know some of your friends are indulging and not telling you. It’s the highest-rated comedy show on television, and yet seems to exist in a strange void where nobody really talks about it (it has never really come up around the MTV News coffee machine the way that “Breaking Bad,” “The Office” or even “How I Met Your Mother” usually do).
Still, it’s a huge show with a big problem. Obviously, Charlie Sheen’s character (seemingly a slightly fictionalized version of himself, often involving prostitutes) is the show’s biggest draw, but the star’s personal life seems to finally have infringed too heavily on his work. He’ll be in rehab for three months, which would take us almost to the end of the television season and brings up a reasonable question: Will he be replaced for the duration of his recovery?
While the show has made no official statements about the actor’s status on the show (and in the past, they’ve been very quick to stand by Sheen, simply because the show is such a huge hit and a massive cash cow), it’s still fun to play around with the idea of dinging him a fill-in. Of course, finding a suitable replacement would be no easy task, as he has an undeniably electric charisma and a brilliant sense of timing and theatricality. That’s why no actors will do, and we have to jump straight to reformed rock and roll bad boys, all of whom could slide onto the couch next to Jon Cryer while Sheen gets healthy.
The Poison frontman and winner of the last season of “The Celebrity Apprentice” became everybody’s favorite rock star turned reality icon last year, and he could easily parlay that into a brief run on “Two and a Half Men.”
The Mötley Crüe bassist has had a long life of drugs, women and disaster (he was legally dead for a few minutes back in the ’80s), but he has since cleaned himself up and is as delightful a deliverer of bon mots as the rock world has. Can he read from a script? It’s unclear. But he does have great tattoos.
Ozzy has a ton of television experience, having anchored the hit MTV reality show “The Osbournes” for three seasons. Plus, he has a knack for comedic timing and would look funny sitting next to Cryer.
True, we here in the MTV Newsroom think that the former Twisted Sister frontman should be cast in just about everything (there’s no reason why he can’t be the villain in the new “Superman” movie, by the way). And it’s true that he has stayed sober throughout his professional life. But he’s just so good on “Growing Up Twisted” that it would be a shame to waste his talent.
The Red Hot Chili Peppers singer used to be as self-destructive as any of his Los Angeles contemporaries, but he cleaned himself up long ago. That puts him in a great position to haunt the set of “Two and a Half Men” — shirtless, of course.