‘Jersey Shore’ Finale By The Numbers: Fake People, Real Fights And Frogs’ Legs

Has it all been in vain? We’ve been following — nay, obsessing over — the language of the “Jersey Shore” kids this entire season, but when it came to their final fight on Thursday night (October 21), we were stumped as to what it was all really about.

Someone called someone else fake. Another person pleaded for everyone to be real. There was talk of a few head nods that seemed to carry great importance. People yelled, veins popped, Snooki sobbed.

Why, though, was everyone so ticked off? We’re mystified. Suffice to say the roomies got super pissed but squashed their various beefs with enough time left to nosh some bacon and sausage before heading off to the airport. Let’s leave it at that.

As far as the rest of the episode was concerned, nobody smashed. Nobody threw any punches. Nobody mentioned the words “gym” or “laundry.” What’s going on? Somebody lay down some straight-forward truth for us, OK? Vinny, can you help us out?

“Say no to hos,” he declared midway through the finale, casting a vote in favor of loving relationships, rather than meaningless threesomes with sketchy ladies in dark clubs.

The Situation was not as discerning, happily stepping in and sucking face with those eager women. Nor was he terribly judicious when it came to all the frog legs he munched in the Everglades, leaving him emptying his lunch of the side of the road. Hey, from each according to his ability, to each according to his need.

Perhaps the lesson all along has not been to understand exactly what’s going on and why in “Jersey Shore,” but to let the crazy wash over you. So let us sit back and take in the season two finale with the very last installment of “Jersey Shore by the Numbers.”