On Wednesday (October 6), gossip maven Bonnie Fuller’s Hollywood Life made sorta waves when they published a list of “bizarre demands” supposedly taken from Lady Gaga’s tour rider. Of course, we’re a bit skeptical about the whole thing considering said tour rider isn’t actually shown and said list of “bizarre demands” includes honey, an oxygen tank and — gasp! — a themed menu. Seriously, if any of those things are shocking, we hope Fuller’s never seen Rihanna’s tour rider, because otherwise she might have a stroke.
Regardless of whether or not the rider is actually real, whenever a big-name star’s demands are made public, we are required by journalistic law to poke fun at them (no lie; in the last month alone, we’ve done it to Justin Bieber as well as both Eminem and Jay-Z), and we can’t give Gaga a pass just because her demands may or may not actually be legit. We are professionals, after all.
So, in the interest of parity (and because we’re sort of disappointed that Gaga only asked for honey, oxygen and burritos on Wednesday), we have come up with a list of 10 things that really should be on her tour rider (because, honestly, at this point LG can pretty much ask for anything).
» 40-50 pounds of skirt steak, to make that evening’s stagewear and/or feed to pet tiger.
» One of the following Alejandros: Director Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, singer Alejandro Sanz, former MLB pitcher Alejandro Pena, a member of the venue’s cleaning staff named Alejandro.
» A four-star general to debate the intricacies of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
» One of those Can-Am three-wheeled motorcycles, because those things are awesome.
» Something fabulous.
» The members of Semi Precious Weapons, who were probably just hanging out at the venue anyway.
» Actual little monsters, like that troll in “Cat’s Eye,” an evil Leprechaun that Gremlin from the second movie who could talk like Tony Randall.
» Gold, to ingest.
» A nice pantsuit or a bejeweled three-quarter sleeve top, preferably from the Quacker Factory collection.
» Whatever Madonna asked for on her tour rider, only, you know, double.
What do you think Lady Gaga should have on her tour rider? Let us know in the comments!