By Jenny McCoy

I'm not letting anyone finish: Kanye West is the best tweeter of all time. Though he is fairly new to the Twitter game, his feed (which already has nearly 600,000 followers) has quickly become the most essential on the Internet. Doubters and aspiring tweeters, please step aside and let me map out Kanye's path to Twitter greatness -- because really, no one tweeter should have all this power.

First, let's look at how Kanye tweets. All of his updates come from the web because, according to Mr. West, he does not own a cell phone. Proof:

» I don't own own a phone so no tweets in the club... lap tops are hard to dance with hahahahaaha.

This may seem so very 1996, but it produces a phenomenon I now refer to as "Kanye Tweet Waves." These waves are composed of several tweets sent within minutes of one another. Whether related or not, Kanye Tweet Waves are especially fun to ride. Take this wave for example:

» sometimes I push the door close button on people running towards the elevator. I just need my own elevator sometimes, my 7 floor sanctuary

» Don't you hate it when you say bye to someone then yall get on the elevator together and it's like, now what?? Awkwaaard

» In life... Sometimes you gotta just wait for the next elevator

Kanye's last elevator tweet highlights yet another strength of his stream: Deep, thought-provoking tweets. Or as I like to call them, "Fortune Cookie Tweets." Fortunately, for those of us who prefer stairs, these insightful tweets are not limited to elevators:

» You can't look at a glass half full or empty if it's overflowing

Agreed!

» Limitation spawns innovation

Oh, so true!

Moving on to lighter matters, Kanye's frequent repetition of status updates shows he truly understands his audience and the challenges of the medium. If you have a healthy follow list you know that it's very difficult to catch every tweet, so Kanye compensates:

» When it's time to go where you tryna go? You betta act like you can see me now!

And again?

» When it's time to go where you tryna go? You betta act like you can see me now!

Beyond these tactics, Kanye just seems to know what we want. We want to go to cool places with cool people and do cool things. And occasionally, we want to know what it’s really like to sleep on fur pillows:

» Fur pillows are hard to actually sleep on

Good to know!

» No seriously ... I said my teeth are real diamonds... these are not fronts... I replaced my bottom row of teeth with diamonds

Knowledge!

all these tweets are sponsored by Grey Goose!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahaaaaaajfftujgcjcg

Sure, it's great to live vicariously through Kanye each time I log on, but his best tweets make me feel like Kanye and I are basically the same person. Sometimes these hints of imperfection come in the form of grammar revision trails and other times through simple updates like these:

» I hate stickers on laptops

Me too!

I love the Summer but I can't wait for Fall

Sames!

And with that, it's my pleasure to officially crown Kanye West as the Best Tweeter Of All Time. I would tweet this to him, but I get the impression that he already knows:

» Just cause you got a stylist don't mean you got style #BETTERTWEETOFALLTIME!!!

One more time!

Just cause you got a stylist don't mean they got style #BESTTWEETOFALLTIME!!!