It’s another spectacularly eclectic day for birthdays today, as R&B singer Robin Thicke, Pearl Jam bassist Jeff Ament, legendary producer Rick Rubin, actress Sharon Stone, New Bohemians singer Edie Brickell and “Mad Men” star Jon Hamm will all be blowing out candles at some point in the next 24 hours. But there is one birthday boy who stands above all others — indeed, one who stands above all other mortal men, as well as the beasts of the field, the fish in the sea and whatever is living on Neptune.
Yes, Chuck Norris, he of “Walker, Texas Ranger,” several dozen martial arts movies, “Karate Kommandos” and, of course, hundreds of Internet-based urban legends, turns 70 years old today. The American film, television and sports veteran has had a remarkable career both as an actor and as a martial artist. But in the 21st century, he is best known as the figurehead of all of the “Chuck Norris Facts” that are constantly circulated to the far corners of the Web. Because of the intrepid goofballs who invented the multitudes of abilities and accomplishments that Norris supposedly possesses, it is impossible to hear his name and not think, “Chuck Norris uses a night light not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris” or “Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water and make him drink.”
In honor of the beginning of Norris’ eighth decade of excellence, here’s hoping he enjoys Kings of Leon’s “Four Kicks.” Actually, four kicks from Chuck Norris probably killed the dinosaurs.