Dear Conan O'Brien,
I should probably get this out of the way right off the bat: I have absolutely no authority to make the proposal I'm about to make. But I've been such a big fan for such a long time that I feel like I would be remiss if I didn't extend a hand to you.
It's a real bummer about your show, man. Back when you were awarded "The Tonight Show," it seemed like an exciting bridge into a whole new realm of late night comedy. But unfortunately, you've become the victim of corporate shortsightedness and the utter decomposition of NBC. Just remember that it's not your fault, and that so many of the things you've done on "The Tonight Show" — from "Twitter Tracker" to your moody vampire assistant to the recent "Bugatti Veyron Mouse" bit — have become instant classics in my mind.
You're walking away with a big check, and as of this weekend you won't have a job anymore. I know Fox wants you real bad, but here's a modest proposal for you: Come to MTV.
Seriously! We've had talk shows before, so you can join the ranks of titans like Jon Stewart and Tom Green. But we don't want you to stop there. If you've got a whim for a show, MTV can make it happen. Want to get the cast of "Jersey Shore" back together for a second season featuring you as "The Solution"? That can be arranged. Want to spend all your quality time with Rob Dyrdek on "Fantasy Factory"? Consider it done. Perhaps you'd rather compete for prizes on "The Real World/Road Rules Challenge" or spend your days gossiping with Kristin Cavallari on "The Hills." We can do all these things for you. In fact, the latter might look a little something like this.
As I said, I don't have the authority to actually make you any offers, and MTV probably can't afford the sort of money you're worth anyway. (Little known fact: "American Idol" expert Jim Cantiello gets paid in Papa John's gift certificates.) But I'm sure we can sweeten the deal somehow. You can have your pick of any office at 1515 Broadway, and we could expand the hours at the Lodge to suit your eating schedule. Plus, you'd get to hang out with Sway, which would instantly up your street credibility. And Fridays in the Newsroom are Backstreet Boys Fridays, so there's always dancing to look forward to at the end of the week.
So think it over, Coco. And even if you decide MTV isn't for you, just know that I'll be watching wherever you end up (as long as it isn't on Fuse).
Editor, MTV Newsroom Blog