Dear Lady Gaga,
Congratulations on the new job! Times are tough right now, so we suppose you've got to take what you can get. Plus, the business cards they gave you certainly look nice. Don't get us wrong: "Creative Director" is an impressive (if not slightly ambiguous) title, one befitting your status as an innovator in the fields of pop music and creative headwear. But we're wondering: Why would you trade in your current gig (mulit-platinum pop star/fashion icon with a legion of adoring fans) for a job with Polaroid (which, judging by your business card, appears to be in Minnesota)?
Were you just burned out? Was the hectic touring schedule getting to be a bit much? Or did Polaroid come at with you with a really sweetheart deal? You know: Eight weeks paid vacation, corner office, use of a company car, vested 401(k) — the kind of thing that was just too good to pass up? Whatever the reason, we're sure you've thought it through, and if a career with Polaroid is what you really want, well, then we support your decision.
Still, as your fans, we feel it's our duty to let you know that we think you're making a huge mistake here. Have you ever been in Minnesota in January? The have underground tunnels because it's too cold for people to survive above ground. You can't go outside because the fluid in your eyeballs freezes. Seriously, it's like you just accepted a job on Hoth. And while the idea of designing your own range of Polaroid cameras is certainly appealing (you can put diamonds over the lenses and everything!), we're not sure you're going to fit in with the corporate world. Suffice to say, you're going to have to tone down your look a tad, and they're not going to let you wear your patent-leather micro-minis, no matter how casual Polaroid's "Casual Fridays" really are.
But most of all, we're going to miss your music. We feel your strengths lie on the stage, not in the boardroom. But, as your fans, we'll back whatever career choice you make. Oh, and if you're looking to hire an assistant or something, well, then we'd be more than willing to submit our resume. Even if it does mean moving to Minnesota. We love you that much.
James Montgomery and the MTV News team