'Dancing With The Stars' Results: Michael Irvin And Mark Dacascos Will Shake No More

Sometimes it seems like the producers of "Dancing with the Stars" are daring the audience not to drift into a boredom-induced coma during the results shows. In fact, the very concept of "results shows" should really be stricken from the television lexicon. A creation of the reality show revolution, they stretch 30 seconds of content into an interminable Möbius strip of recaps, guest appearances and pre-commercial teases that can only lull the viewing audience into a deep sleep or drive them completely homicidal. (It's mostly the former, probably.) Last night's episode of "Dancing with the Stars" was the worst kind of offender, as it delayed a foregone conclusion (the elimination of both Michael Irvin and Mark Dacascos) with padding care of Rod Stewart, Colbie Caillat and the premiere of the almost-boy-band featuring Mark Ballas and Derek Hough.

This week's performance show wasn't much better, though it did set some drama in motion for the final episodes of the show. The final four all had extra-solid performances this week, especially Aaron Carter, who has swung from frontrunner to loathed bottom-feeder to underdog and now seems primed to make a run at Mya for the top spot. Donny Osmond also remains in the mix, and though it seems like he's still kept around to keep the 60-something ladies in heat, he did have one of his best dances this week. Joanna Krupa and Kelly Osbourne round out the top five, with the latter easily showing the greatest improvement between the beginning of the season and now. (Between Kelly's dancing and Ozzy and Sharon's killer bits on WWE's "Raw," Monday night was a big one for the Osbourne clan.)

In the end, Irvin was shown the door, but not before he gave an enthusiastic exit speech that mentioned something about the economy (was his dancing supposed to inspire job growth?). He was followed by Dacascos. Both were in over their heads and probably should have been kicked out weeks ago. But all's well that ends well, as the final five represent four contestants who have consistently performed well (Mya, Carter, Osmond and Krupa) along with the one constantly-improving underdog (Osbourne). The next few weeks should provide some great drama, but maybe ABC could just text us the results next week?