Nick Cannon Should Have Quoted The Other Genesis

The war of words between Eminem and Mariah Carey got seriously kicked up a notch last week, as Slim Shady dropped the vicious dis track “The Warning” and Carey’s husband Nick Cannon responded with some philosophical tweets. Though it never addressed Em or “The Warning” directly, Cannon’s Twitter assault did seem like it was attempting to squash the beef while still getting in some digs at Slim. “Trying to save a hater is like trying to teach astrophysics to a wino!” he tweeted in one of about a dozen messages sent out into the virtual world late Friday.

But one note stood out above all others. In an attempt to bring some perspective and wisdom into the proceedings, Cannon decided to get Biblical. He tweeted, “’I will bless those that bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse.’ Genesis 12:3.” The Book of Genesis is certainly full of lessons and advice, but Cannon really should have turned to the other Genesis to lay it down for Shady.

Think about it: Is there a more poignant message than “There’s too many men/ Too many people/ Making too many problems/ And not much love to go round/ Can’t you see this is a land of confusion?” It certainly gets to the heart of the matter and gets across that the world doesn’t need any more negativity than it already has. If he really wanted to invoke the Lord, all he had to do was tweet, “Jesus he knows me/ And he knows I’m right/ I’ve been talking to Jesus all my life.”

But those are all pacifist statements. What if he still wanted to take a few shots at Eminem? Phil Collins and the boys would have had him covered. “I got a name and I got a number/ I got a line on you/ I got a name and I got a number/ I’m coming after you” (from “Just a Job to Do”) would have provided the right level of passive menace without really threatening anything specific (because in the end, it’s all about plausible deniability). He could have even peppered in a few non sequiturs to throw everybody off the trail, like “Sun he giving life in his light/ Part of the system/ Friend to man/ Friend to the trees/ No friend to the snowman.” (Though that will come in handy should he ever want to start a feud with Young Jeezy.) He could have also tapped into the Phil Collins solo oeuvre, simply tweeting, “Just another day in paradise” or simply “Sussudio!”

So here’s hoping that Eminem takes the Newsroom’s advice and taps into the vast resources that Genesis has to offer. Because anybody can quote the Bible, but how many people can kill you with a line from “I Can’t Dance”?