I often eat popcorn while I watch “American Idol,” but tonight it’s even more appropriate because “Idol’s” headed to the big screen! Don’t worry, “From Justin To Kelly 2: Electric Boogaloo” wasn’t green-lit. Nope, tonight the theme is “Songs From The Movies!”
Even better? “Idol” fanatic Quentin Tarantino is joining the party, acting as guest mentor this week. He made quite the splash as a guest judge in Season Three, where his brutal honesty was a welcome change of pace to that season’s endless parade of celebs too polite to say anything bad to anyone. (Ahem, Ashford and Simpson.) QT’s shining moment came when he ripped Diana DeGarmo a new one for picking Celine Dion’s “Titanic” hit. “You pulled off the song, but so what? There couldn’t be a song we’re more sick of hearing. You pulled off the notes and stuff, but I don’t care.” Genius. I can’t wait to hear what Quentin has to say to Lil Rounds. Or Anoop. Or Danny Gokey. Or Matt Giraud. Or…wow, this season blows, doesn’t it?
The popcorn’s ready and my sound system is blasting. (Sorry, neighbors!) I’m ready to live-blog “American Idol!”
7:50 pm – Yikes. I’m looking at the song spoilers MJ just posted and it looks like tonight’s gonna be a rough one. Aerosmith? Bryan Adams? TWICE?! The predictions I made earlier today are way off. What a shame. I really wanted to hear Matt do Prince tonight.
7:52 pm – Did you miss last week’s “Idol?” There’s still time to catch up. All you need is a minute thanks to my “Idol in 60 Seconds” recaps. Watch here now!
7:53 pm – Hell, and when you’re done with that, check out my review of the new “American Idol Experience” attraction at Disney World here. (Spoiler alert: I loved it!)
7:56 pm – Watching the end of “Seinfeld,” I just realized that “Seinfeld” the TV show is 3 years older than Allison Iraheta. Seriously.
8:00 pm – “This is Quentin Tarantino…and this is American Idol!” Quentin Tarantino is my American Idol. Way to be an eccentric millionaire, dude! It’s like how Andy Warhol used to hang out at WWE matches. Love it.
8:01 pm – Gasp! Ricky Minor and the band is on stage this week. I bet he finally hired an agent who was like “You mean they moved you to the top of the stage and you’re not on screen anymore? No no no no no. I’ll fix that.”
8:03 pm – Paula looks like she’s being choked by a diamond-encrusted hand.
8:04 pm – Say what?! In order to keep the show under an hour, only two judges will be critiquing each performance. Not fair!
8:04 pm – Little Stevie van Zandt’s in the audience, and it looks as though he’s on the James Gandolfini diet of Haagen Daas and butter.
8:05 pm – Who wants to bet Quentin cut this reel of his career himself? Also, fun fact: “Reservoir Dogs” is the same age as Allison Iraheta. (I know, she’s young. I’m old. I’ll get over it.)
8:06 pm – Quentin Tarantino has been taking styling notes from Adam Lambert.
8:07 pm – Allison is singing Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing.” I’m worried for her.
8:08 pm – She sounds more hoarse than usual. I like the strings-only arrangement on the verse, but it’s not mixed very well. The bridge is a hot mess. She’s ending big, but it might be too little too late. Eek. That was rough.
8:09 pm – Katie Couric is in the house! And she’s an Iraheta fan!
8:10 pm – Paula just said Allison shares the same “special sauce” as Adam Lambert. There are about 8000 jokes I could make right now, but since we’re talking about a 16 year old, I’ll just keep them to myself…
8:11 pm – Simon loved it! He said she’s the girl’s only hope! Wait a second, did I take ’shrooms tonight? Did Simon praise Allison without a backhanded compliment? It’s a new day, folks!
8:15 pm – Back from the break and the kids in the pit behind Seacrest are extra-caffeinated tonight. My wife, who taught 3 years of elementary school, is going crazy right now. “Where are their parents?” Hehe.
8:16 pm – Anoop is singing the love theme to Robin Hood: Prince of Theives. [Slaps forehead.]
8:16 pm – Tarantino is telling Anoop to “rough it up,” and by roughing it up, he means “sound like you’re passing a kidney stone while you sing it,” which really means “sound like Danny Gokey.”
8:17 pm – In the wide shot that started his performance, Anoop looked like he was in a tunic and tights. Thank the LORD he’s in jeans and a sleeveless sports jacket vest thing. Actually, I take that back. A tunic would be less lame. What IS he wearing? What happened to the sleeves?
8:18 pm – Anoop’s vocals are on point. He’s not really growling, as per Tarantino, but he’s hitting all the notes. I’m a little perturbed by the lip sweat. And the glassy eyes. Is he high??
8:19 pm – Randy and Kara loved it.
8:20 pm – Kara is STILL. TALKING.
8:20 pm – Seacrest asked Anoop if he had anyone in mind while he sang it. Ladies, if you like a dude with a sweaty upper lip, you are in luck because ’Noop Dawg is SINGLE!
8:20 pm – Adam Lambert is going to add electronic elements to “Born to be Wild.” I’m very scared.
8:21 pm – Playing the role of Adam Lambert tonight: Hedwig.
8:22 pm – His arrangement is a disaster. The chorus is a thrash-metal stomp, the verses are a double-time musical number. I really hated that.
8:23 pm – But I’m the only one. The crowd is going wild. And Paula has whipped out a bunch of crazy. “You dare to dance in the path of greatness!” “Fortune rewards the brave!” She clearly had Chinese Food and is just reading fortunes from fortune cookies during performances.
8:24 pm – Simon compared it to “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.” Adam definitely takes that as a compliment.
8:25 pm – Fun fact: Adam is friends with a red-headed Elvira. Who is that lady in his cheering section?
8:25 pm – Seacrest just told Adam to “come out…of his shell.” You’re so fresh, Ryan!
8:30 pm – Coke Real Moment with Matt. My co-worker Monty really wants Seacrest to ask him, “How the eff do 7 people pick 2 Bryan Adams songs??”
8:31 pm – Matt’s behind the piano and has reinvented my mom’s favorite song.
8:32 pm – I take that back. The band has kicked in, and it sounds exactly like the original version, except replace a Spanish guitar with a grand piano.
8:32 pm – His voice keeps cracking. He’s out of breath. Nice tender ending, though. Quentin said that if he sang it like he sang it during rehearsal, it’d be “one of his top 3 performances.” But…has he had any really good performances yet?
8:33 pm – Randy thought he oversang it.
8:33 pm – During Kara’s (negative) review, she said, “Some weeks you nail the song choice and it’s two steps forward…” You just KNOW it’s taking all of Paula’s self control not to just grab the microphone and bust out a little “Opposites Attract” right now.
8:34 pm – Kara is STILL. TALKING.
8:39 pm – Danny Gokey’s fans need a serious sign-making lesson. A sign reads: “AMERICAN IDOL. AshLey B & KOLBYK are ROGKING the HOU in L.A. GoDanny!” Did Scott make that sign??
8:39 pm – Coke Real Moment with Danny Gokey. He said he just bought a guitar because he was “bored.” But then backtracked and said he meant he’d be bored on tour this summer. Jerk!
8:40 pm – Danny Gokey is singing “Endless Love” with lots of hand gestures in rehearsal.
8:41 pm – Danny Gokey + a harp is like ying and yang.
8:41 pm – Guest judge, my wife: “He sucks. I feel like I’m on a boat. I want to watch ’Happy Gilmore’ again.” [She has ADD, apparently.]
8:42 pm – There were some bum notes, but he did a fine job, for Gokey.
8:43 pm – Christina Applegate is crying in the audience. If it’s good enough for Kelly Capowski, it’s good enough for me. [CORRECTION: Eeek! Revoke my pop culture card, kids. As “iheartAI” pointed out in the comments, I meant Kelly Bundy, not Kelly Capowski. Thanks for the heads-up, iheartAI. I need more sleep. How the hell did I confuse “Married With Children” with “Saved By The Bell?”]
8:44 pm – Simon gave Danny Gokey a “I was bored by the arrangement,” but quickly followed it up with “But I know this song means a lot to you because you’re a widower and oh no I don’t want to make you cry and I’m now going to bring up your backstory so people feel sorry for you and vote for you and OMG I’m so sorry I just dissed you will you ever forgive me?” Gag.
8:49 pm – Back from the break and Randy is giving Simon a lap dance? And Ryan is doing a bad Randy impression. Um…I hate to break it to you guys, but if you’re worried about time, perhaps you should have cut this b.s. from the show tonight?
8:49 pm – Kris Allen is singing “Falling Slowly” from “Once.” Quentin Tarantino is madly in love with Kris Allen.
8:49 pm – The song is too low for Kris.
8:50 pm – Oh right, I forgot about this up-an-octave part. He’s doing well now! However, I can’t help but think of Anoop’s impression of Kris every time he hits a high note.
8:51 pm – Randy thought the whole thing was pitchy.
8:52 pm – Kara thinks the song is obscure. That song won an Oscar, lady! That record sold oodles! Maybe you should turn on a radio one of these days! Compared to the dreck that everyone else has been picking all night, yes, perhaps it’s not as known as ENDLESS FRIGGIN’ LOVE which is one of the most overplayed songs ever in the history of music but askldjfadisjfioawejfl;aweijfal;wejf;alksdjflkasd. Sorry. I just started banging on the keyboard there. I am so angry!!!!
8:52 pm – Oh, but she followed it up with “One of your best moments ever.” Okay, now I feel like a jerk for spazzing out. But Kris did a great job. He just made every little girl fall in love with him. He did that song justice.
8:57 pm – My love affair with Quentin Tarantino is now over. “I’m a big fan of Lil Rounds.” That comment is like his “Four Rooms” of “Idol” comments. They can’t all be winners.
8:57 pm – Lil Rounds is singing Bette Midler’s “The Rose.” The first half was generic.
8:59 pm – And now the song has turned into a gospel show-stopper! I’m not so sure I’m feeling this, though.
8:59 pm – Simon hated it. “You are not the artist I believe we met seven or eight weeks ago.”
9:01 pm – OMG Lil Rounds is standing up to Simon. This is depressing. After Lil’s long passionate speech about adding gospel to a pretty song, Simon ended the fight with “But it was a Bette Midler song.” Cold. Yikes, did Lil just cost herself votes by being defiant? Or did she gain votes for standing up to Simon? I’m so confused. America confuses me.
9:03 pm – And that’s a wrap.
Wow. So what did we think tonight? My personal fave was Kris Allen, but there was no real “magic moment” to talk about tomorrow morning, was there? And if you say Adam Lambert, I’ll cut you. And oof, 2 Bryan Adams songs? Am I going out on a limb by saying this might be the worst “Idol” episode in a long time?
I want to know what you thought! Were you feeling Lambert’s “Born To Be Electronic?” Was Anoop’s outfit the worst thing ever worn on “Idol?” Did Quentin do a good job coaching the contestants? And do you think “Idol” is regretting hiring that fillibuster known as Kara DioGaurdi or what? All their time-problems can be pin-pointed to Kara needing 4 minutes to say one thought. I’m ranting again. Sorry.
Anyway, leave your thoughts in the comments! And my favorite commenter will get a shout-out in Thursday morning’s “Idol in 60 Seconds” t-shirt.
Thanks for watching!