If it's mid-January, then it must be time for the fake Coachella lineups to begin fluttering down like so many synthetic snowflakes. A combination of pure speculation, delusion, outright lies and fifth-hand inside information from a-guy-who-knows-a-guy-who-dated-the-promoter's-cousin, the premature lineups for the fest (held April 17-19) are typically more wish list than reality, but they always make for a good laugh. (Read our roundup of other music-festival rumors here.)
As we await the actual announcement, which is reportedly due this morning on Los Angeles' KROQ FM, here's who is not playing (or not yet, officially):
White Stripes and Lil Wayne: One of our favorite early fake posters for this year's show surfaced back in October. I have no inside information, but I can almost guarantee you that this will not be true.
Green Day, No Doubt, Replacements, Neil Young, Lou Reed, Pavement, Red Hot Chili Peppers: Respectively, these are the reasons these artists probably won't be there: finishing an album and don't need the hassle; recording an album and launching their own headlining tour in May; never going to get back together; c'mon; see previous; never going to get back together; on extended hiatus.
ConsequenceofSound.net has all the fake lineup news you can use in a one-stop shop, with a list that includes nearly all of the above, plus: Fleet Foxes, Franz Ferdinand, the Killers, Paul McCartney, Lily Allen, Mastodon, Outkast and Nine Inch Nails.
Stay tuned for the real lineup news as soon as it's released.