Bristol Palin’s Baby: Here’s What We Would Have Named Him!

By now, you’re probably aware that Bristol Palin, the 18-year-old daughter of former Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin, gave birth to a son over the weekend, a seven-pound, four-ounce bundle of joy rather majestically named Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston.

By naming her son Tripp, Bristol kept in line with the men of the Palin clan (her father is named Todd, and she’s got brothers named Track and Trig), and while lil’ Tripp’s namesake can’t match the sheer WTF-ness of, say, Bronx Mowgli Wentz, we’re still big fans of the handle. After all, it not only recalls the windswept vistas of Alaska’s north — and “American Psycho” author Bret Easton Ellis — but it also makes him sound like a character in “Dazed and Confused” (“Tripp Johnston … Alright, alright, alright!”).

Having said all that, we’re still a little disappointed in Bristol (and the hockey-playing father, Levi Johnston). Being the offspring/unwed mother of a very public figure affords you all sorts of latitude when it comes to choosing a name for your baby — the weirder and more incomprehensible the better (Nic Cage named his son Kal-el, for crying out loud). It’s a tremendous opportunity to foist another bizarrely named child onto the unsuspecting public … a responsibility that is, frankly, part of your celeb/civic duty. It should be embraced, not shirked.

We’re willing to give Bristol a do-over, considering this is the first time she’s done this. Still, we’d be remiss if we didn’t offer up a host of other names for young Tripp, just in case she wants to change the birth certificate (and since her mom is the governor of Alaska, she can probably do this). Consider your options, B, and let us know what you think:

» Tab Easton Mitchell Johnston
» Trap Star Easton Mitchell Johnston (Young Jeezy Approved!)
» Maverick (just Maverick)
» Easton Mitchell Easton Mitchell Johnston
» DJ Z-Trip(p)
» Trim Trabb. This is a really great song on Blur’s 1999 album 13 (we’re old.)
» Trick Trick
» Tic Tac Easton Mitchell Johnston
» Tush. Like the ZZ Top Song. There is a 100-percent chance your dad owns this on cassette!
» Joe Six-Pack Easton Mitchell Johnston