Your music is great, don’t get us wrong. We can’t stop bopping to “Single Ladies” here in the newsroom. But we suspect that the album-buying public can’t get past the fact that you come across as, well, boring. Even though you cooked up this crazy, metal-glove-wearing alter ego Sasha Fierce, people still don’t know how relate to you, and perhaps your record sales are being affected.
This isn’t a problem for Taylor Swift and Britney Spears, who live their lives constantly in the media. We know everything about them. Where they shop, what kid of coffee they like (Fraps, y’all), whom they date, what happens on their dates …
Taylor’s always out there talking about how badly Joe Jonas broke her heart or her awesome (read: antiquated) rules for dating (never call a guy first, girls!). She posts MySpace blogs about her broken-heart mixtapes. Meanwhile, Britney went on the record in her documentary and talked candidly about her breakups with Kevin Federline and Justin Timberlake. This is in addition to the fact that she’s popping up everywhere, trying to show the world that she is Britney the pop star again, not Britney the tabloid queen.
Taylor Swift has sold nearly 1,300,000 copies of her album Fearless since its release a month ago. And Britney claimed the top spot this week, selling over 505,000 of Circus in its first week. Then you, Beyoncé, find yourself at #3. Selling over 893,000 copies of I Am … Sasha Fierce in three weeks is impressive, but you’re still the bridesmaid and not the bride.
Speaking of weddings, you still won’t really talk about your new hubby, Jay-Z. Privacy is one thing, but you guys barely even take pictures together. And maybe you do like to go out and have a good time, but how are we supposed to know this? It kind of takes away from the fun of your party anthems if we think you’re actually sitting at home embroidering pillows or something.
So, here’s a new game plan: Maybe the kooky wild Sasha Fierce can get out there and start gossiping about Beyoncé. Take this split-personality thing a little further and allow her to tell us a little more about you. Until she does, you’ll always be a few steps behind Britney and Taylor.