By Steven Roberts
Happy birthday, Jay-Z!
We here at MTV News have watched you grow up over the years. From the guy standing next to Jaz-O with a high-top fade, gold anchor chain and an acid-washed denim shearling, to the guy who's part-owner of the Nets, tours with Coldplay and has the hottest chick in the game wearing your chain ... that's right, Hov!
Sorry, but we really couldn't get you anything. Seriously, you headlined Glastonbury, Dale Earnhardt raced you around against Danica Patrick in Monaco, and you're married to Beyoncé!
Most of us have to wait until we are 65, but you've literally retired after every new album. Luckily you came back — we didn't believe it anyway — to bless us with summer anthem ("Big Pimpin' ") after summer anthem ("Give It to Me") after summer anthem ("Izzo [H.O.V.A.]").
Honestly, half of New York wears a fitted Yankees hat because of you. Everyone wanted to drink Cristal because of you (they wanted to drink Armand de Brignac, too, but then they saw the price tag). Everyone will probably start wearing black-rimmed, clear-lens glasses now that you do. It must be like every day is your birthday!
With that said, MTV News would like to take this time out to make fun of you. We've been searching all day for rare, potentially embarrassing footage of you, and we haven't had much luck. Luckily, we found this 10-year-old clip of the owner of the 40/40 Club talking about another club he wanted to join.