Joe Jonas, Please Give Up Your Dream Of Being A Stand-Up Comic

Dear Joe Jonas:

We get it. Teen girls think you're dreamy. You can sing, you have a TV show, you've got some movies in the works, and you even have a book out. You can get any lady you want and leave her heartbroken when you're done with her.

That's all fine by me. I only ask that you don't follow through on your latest dream of becoming a comedian. Why? Well, if your performance on "The Tonight Show" Monday night tells me anything, it's that you're just not funny.

"You know, I did [want to be a comedian]. I never really got the chance," the 19-year-old revealed when Jay Leno asked about his dream. "I want to do stand-up." So the talk-show host handed him a microphone — and probably immediately regretted it. Let's take a look at some of Joe's, er, finer moments.

"Kevin was in People's Sexiest Man Alive issue, and he's quoted [saying,] 'Did they get the right person?' " the singer began. "Let me answer that question for you, Kevin: No!"

Wait, you didn't think that was funny? Well, have you heard the one about the fat cats? "I like this one. This is good," Joe said. "According to a new study, one-third of the cats in America are overweight. Instead of nine lives, it's — oh wait ..."

Joe probably hadn't heard the joke either because he messed up the punch line! "Can I redo that? Can I redo that?" he asked. What is Leno going to do, say no?

Here's the, uh, worth-the-wait punch line: "Instead of nine lives, it's most cats have nine chins! Oh!"

"I would work on the comedy a little bit," Leno advised. You think? Hey Joe, you're a young, talented musician. Just stick to what you're good at, OK?

Love always,

Jocelyn Vena